Hundreds Jokes / Recent Jokes
It's certainly a sad sign of the times when international terrorism spoils the Christmas pudding. Security scanners this Christmas season at a major British airport have been fooled by hundreds of Christmas puddings, which they cannot tell from Semtex plastic explosive.
Travelers heading off for the holidays from Manchester airport in northern England had packed the traditional fare in their luggage. But, according to Reuters news reports, the $23 million baggage security system was unable to differentiate between the explosive of choice of the international terrorist and a plum pudding, forcing security officials to examine hundreds of bags.
Airport chiefs insisted that the sophisticated security system was not malfunctioning. "It is designed to detect organic matter, and Christmas puddings have unusual density, which alerts the system," an airport spokesman said.
The story would be amusing were it not such a sad commentary on the state of peace on Earth and more...
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by
his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a
man,
I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her
doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard
her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of
her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw
himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I
need a bike! I need a bike!"
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A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her
fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity
for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the
entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher
asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy
raises his more...
A few years ago, I applied for a job at Kodak. I made it through all the interviews with flying colours, and the only thing left was the drug test. I was confident in passing, but there was one slight problem: I have *very* shy kidneys. I've had to sneak out of the doctor's office on more than one occasion, because I can't "go" and fill up a cup on command. Usually, this is a good thing, as I can go to a concert or football game, drink beer all day, and be fine until I get home, while my friends are standing in line in the bathrooms several times during the same time period.
So, to prepare, on the morning I had to take the test, I drank my usual 10-cup pot of coffee, and several large glasses of water, and for the 20-minute trip to Kodak, I filled a plastic gallon jug with water, and finished it off on the way. Now, Kodak has huge parking lots, each containg hundreds and hundreds of cars, and by the time I got there, the visitor's lots were pretty full, and I had more...
The BBC Gaza correspondent is sitting in her air conditioned hotel in the Gaza strip, sipping iced tea when her mobile phone begins to ring. She picks up the phone and hears a mysterious voice say, " comrade this is the ruling council of the military wing of Hamas and I would like to inform you that those Israeli pigs have just massacred hundreds of Palastinian women and children. "
The BBC correspondent then asks the mysterious stranger on the phone where and when this had happened but was just given the address of the small provincial hospital just inside the Israeli border where he claimed hundreds of surviving casualties had been taken earlier and informed her that all her expenses would be covered as usual.
Armed with this information she realises that she can finally prove to the world just how evil these Israeli, American Jewish lobby supported pigs really are. So she makes her way as quickly as possible across the border into Israel and to the more...