Hunter Jokes / Recent Jokes

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find
her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both
trying to find her mother.

The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started
to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon
a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick,
impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," said the husband.
"The lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out of it!"

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water.

The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you more...

Two hunters were walking in the woods. The secound hunter was walking slightly ahead of the other.
The first hunter saw a deer and shot. But he missed the deer and hit the secound hunter.
The secound hunter feel to the ground and the first hunter ran over to check his pulse.
He didnt feel anything so he dialed 9-1-1. When the opperator picked up, she said, "What is your emergency." The first hunter said, "I shot my best friend and i think he is dead." The opperator said, "Ok i think i can help, first make sure he is dead."
There was a long pause...
Then a gun shot.
The first hunter got back on the phone and said, "Ok, Now what?"

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter.

The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animal's skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin.

After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And it was shot with a. 22 rifle."

He was right!

The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round. So more...

Once there was this hunter, out in the forest, hunting bears.

As the hunter approached a clearing in the forest, he saw a bear. One of the biggest bears he'd ever seen. So he crouches down behind a largish rock, takes careful aim with his shotgun, and fires. After the smoke clears, he runs down to the clearing, and the bear's body is gone!

He searches the clearing, but to no avail. Then there's a tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. The hunter looks around, and it's the bear! "You just tried to kill me, didn't you?". Says the bear."Uh, no. No I didn't". The hunter, taken aback by a talking bear, lies."Yes you did. Don't lie, or I'll rip your arms off" "Uh, yeah, yeah I did." "Alright", says, the bear, "I'll let you go if you do one thing for me." "What's that?", inquires the hunter. "Give me a head-job." "What??" "On your knees" So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the more...

Three hookers were sitting in a bar after a long night of work. They were having a drink and talking about their last tricks. The first hooker said, "I just got done with an artist."
"Really", said the second hooker, "how could you tell?"
"When he was done", replied the first, "he got up and painted a beautiful mural of my vagina complete with angels and cherubs."
"Wow", said the second, "I just got done with a hunter."
"How do you know know he was a hunter?", said the first.
"Well, he went deep in the bush and ate what he shot.", she replied.
The three laughed. "Ha, ha, I've heard that one before.", said the first hooker.
Finally, the third prostitute piped up. "I just got done with a comedian."
The two others look her oddly. "How do you know he was a comedian?", they asked.
"Well", she replied, "We were having sex more...

Two friends are out squirrel hunting whennthey encounter an angry bear. The bear is coming toward them and they know they can't stop it with their squirrel guns.
The first hunter says "What are you going to do?
The second hunter says "I'm going to run like hell"
The first hunter says "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!
The second hunter says "I don't have to outrun that bear. I only have to outrun YOU!