Idea Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Ivan.
Ivan who?
Ivan to suck your blood!! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Ivan!
Ivan who?
Ivan my money back now! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Ivan!
Ivan who?
Ivan idea you don't want to see me! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Ivan!
Ivan who?
It's not Ivan who, it's Ivanhoe! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Ivan!
Ivan who?
Ivan idea you know who it is! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Ivan!
Ivan who?
Ivan infectious disease!
Slam! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Ivan!
Ivan who?
Ivan U. Hat, do you like it? Knock Knock
Who's there!
Ivan!
Ivan who?
Ivan enormous snake in my pocket!

BROWN: Hey kids! Is half of your head shaved? Do you have a nose ring? Are you terribly progressive and do you have a lot of empathy? Are you sick and tired of silly things like grades and majors? COME TO BROWN!
COLUMBIA: Hey kids! Do you like Harlem? Do you like commuters? Are you planning on transferring to another Ivy school after your freshman year? COME TO COLUMBIA!
HARVARD: Hey kids! Do you hate teachers? I mean really hate them? Do you never want to have another teacher again? And what about a social life? Do you hate that too? COME TO HARVARD!
PRINCETON: Hey kids! Do you have any idea what an eating club is? Are you pompous? Can you learn to be? Are you the smartest person you know? How many clubs were you in high school? Have you always dreamed of living in the great state of New Jersey? COME TO PRINCETON!
PENN: Hey kids! Did you like high school a lot? How about four more years of the same? Are you dying to visit scenic West Philadelphia? Does the concept of more...

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, criticizes on everything, and then leaves.
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always have their idea generators running.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce more...

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don`t know where I am."The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.""You must be an engineer," says the balloonist."I am," replies the man. "How did you know?""Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."The man below says, "You must be a manager.""I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?""Well," says the man, "you don`t know where you are, or where more...

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language, natch).After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time.""And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis... fifty times"

Q. How do you Scare a Man?
A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars that they have no intention of driving.
Q. What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women?
A. Exchange him.
Q. What's a man's idea of a perfect date?
A. A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.
Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. How do you get a man to exercise?
A. Tie the TV remote control to his shoelaces.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know. It's never happened.
Q. Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A. Because, even back then men wouldn't stop to ask for more...