Ideal Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon?
Because he was dead!
What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old?
A year older on his birthday!
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to add to your already heavy workload. An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: My little sister ate it!
Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why were you late?
Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
Teacher: It’s three in the afternoon!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Prof. Irwin Corey
Love matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar. - Countess of Blessington
I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward, 1956
Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. - Cass Daley
I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year. - Bette Davis
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. - Lord Dewar
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap'? - Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller
It destroys one's nerves to be amiable everyday to the same human being. - Benjamin more...
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Prof. Irwin CoreyLove matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar. - Countess of BlessingtonI've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward, 1956Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. - Cass DaleyI'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year. - Bette DavisLove is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. - Lord DewarI've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap'? - Phyllis DillerNever go to bed angry. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis DillerIt destroys one's nerves to be amiable everyday to the same human being. - Benjamin DisraeliHonolulu, it's got everything. Sand for more...
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had
What is ideal Flight Deck complement for a modern airliner? A Captain, a Co-pilot and a dog. The dog is there to bite the captain if he tries to touch the controls, and the co-pilot is there to feed the dog.
What makes an ideal present for a monster? Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.
An ideal homework excuseTeacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had