Ideal Jokes / Recent Jokes
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Prof. Irwin CoreyLove matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar. - Countess of BlessingtonI've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward, 1956Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. - Cass DaleyI'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year. - Bette DavisLove is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. - Lord DewarI've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about' short' and' cheap'? - Phyllis DillerNever go to bed angry. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis DillerIt destroys one's nerves to be amiable everyday to the same human being. - Benjamin DisraeliHonolulu, it's got everything. Sand for more...
Women's Lifestyles Through the Ages
AGE... DRINK
17... Winecoolers
25... White wine
35... Red wine
48... Dom Perignon
66... Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17... Need to wash my hair
25... Need to wash and condition my hair
35... Need to color my hair
48... Need to have Francois color my hair
66... Need to have Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping
FAVORITE DRUG
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17... "Burger King"
25... "Free meal"
35... "A diamond"
48... "A bigger diamond"
66... "Home Alone"
FAVORITE FANTASY
17... tall, dark and handsome
25... tall, dark and handsome with money
35... tall, dark and handsome with money and a more...
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
Women's Lifestyles Through the AgesAGE... DRINK17... Winecoolers25... White wine35... Red wine48... Dom Perignon66... Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaserEXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES17... Need to wash my hair25... Need to wash and condition my hair 35... Need to color my hair48... Need to have Francois color my hair66... Need to have Francois color my wigFAVORITE SPORT17... shopping25... shopping35... shopping48... shopping66... shoppingFAVORITE DRUG17... shopping25... shopping35... shopping48... shopping66... shoppingDEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE17... "Burger King"25... "Free meal"35... "A diamond"48... "A bigger diamond"66... "Home Alone"FAVORITE FANTASY17... tall, dark and handsome25... tall, dark and handsome with money35... tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain 48... a man with hair66... a manHOUSE PET17... Muffy the cat25... Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat35... Irish setter and Muffy the Cat48... Children from his more...