Idiot Jokes / Recent Jokes
One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw the evidence of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's eyes with the bullet hole in dead center. The FBI agent asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship.
The man turned out to be the village idiot. "This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen." said the FBI agent. "How in the world do you do it?"
"Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterward."
Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done". Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."A motivational sign Work jokes: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory. My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier. My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain. I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too. .. but at least I respect him. He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE. Some people climb more...
An idiot decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going wrong," said the idiot, "I think I'm planting them too deep."
Billy-Bob was walking into town one day wearing nothing but his gun and his boots. Just as he began walking down Main Street he was confronted by the Sheriff.' 'Hey, Billy-Bob, ya mind if I ask you what you are doin' walkin' down Main Street wearin' nothin' but your gunbelt and boots?''
''Well Sheriff,it's a long story.''
''I ain't going nowhere,'' said the Sheriff.
''Well Sheriff, a couple hours ago I ran into Mary Lou in the saloon. We had ourselves a couple of drinks and then we started to feelin' kinda frisky and Mary Lou said,' Why don't we go out to the barn?' So we did. Then we started getting real close and cuddin' and smoochin' and Mary Lou said,' Why don't we go out back and go up to the top of the hill.' So we did. He continued,' 'We started cuddlin' and smoochin' some more and the next thing I know, Mary Lou had taken off all her clothes and she suggested that I do the same. So I did, all except my gunbelt and boots. Then Mary Lou laid down more...
A Georgia State Trooper pulls over a pick-up on I-75. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "' Bout what? "
There's two guys and over something stupid the first guy gets pissed off and asks the second idiot, "chither khanay aa!!"... and the idiot says, "nahi, main karoon khakay aaya... cha pani the inthezaam kardo".
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow...