Idiot Jokes

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the vehicle?

Driver: It's not my vehicle. I stole it.

Cop: Are you telling me this is a stolen car?

Driver: That's right. Mind you, now that I think of it, I believe I did see the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Cop: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yep. I put it there after I shot and killed the whoman who owns this car. Then I stuffed her in the trunk.

Cop: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

When the cop heard this, he immediately called his captain. Within minutes, the car was surrounded by police and the captain approached the driver so he could handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, may more...

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun," so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says, "What the hell is that?"

Boudreaux says, "Tree' n tree' n tree makes nine."

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Second question, same rules, but represent 99."

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.

The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

Boudreaux more...