Ignore Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets,
Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:
Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command
But got instead a reprimand:
It read, "Abort, Retry, Ignore."Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed my options.
These three seemed to be the top ones.
Clearly, I must now adopt one -
Choose: "Abort, Retry, Ignore."With my fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard
bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee
Finally I pressed a key -
But on the screen what did I see?
Again: "Abort, Retry, more...
Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night.,
The first girl said"Whatshould I do? The
guy sitting next to me is masturbating."
Her friend replied, "Don't do
anything. Just ignore it."
The first girl said, "I can't."
Her friendsaid,"Why can'tyou ignore it?"
The first one says, "Because he's using
myhand!"
Every day the same old thing
Essays, reading, handwriting
I do it all while sitting here
With a very tempting computer near.
I try to ignore the silent plea
"Please, surf the net on me"
I, for a while I ignore the call
By writing a paper on the Taj Mahal.
But inevitably
It gets to me
I shove my work out of the way
(Don't worry I'll do it another day).
The screen savers gone when I click on the mouse
A happy blue glow fills up the house
I open the Internet, "Whoopitydee"
I yell (there are 5 new emails for me).
When I've replied I surf the net
Is there anything exciting? You bet!
I'll do this while the sun fades away
Marking the end of another long day
But I will not notice, oh no not me
I'll be too wrapped up in my computer you see.
What's the difference between Anarchists and Libertarians? Libertarians are anarchists with money.Anarchists believe property is theft. Libertarians believe everything is property.Libertarians are bosses; anarchists work for them when they run out of other options.Libertarians buy more guns, but anarchists use more ammo.Libertarians ride in stretch limos; anarchists throw bricks through their windshields.Libertarians go shopping; anarchists go shoplifting.Libertarians go to the police after they've been mugged; anarchists get mugged by the police.A libertarian wants to marry another libertarian, but only after sleeping with enough anarchists.Anarchists ignore the IRS; Libertarians hire accountants and attorneys to fight them.Libertarians think the government is trying steal the property they rightfully own; anarchists think the government is trying to defend property that nobody rightfully owns.Libertarians are organized in a political party; anarchists aren't organized in more...
Jim: "I can't get along with her. All she does is ignore me."
Tim: "Ignore you?"
Jim: "Yes- and if there's anything I hate, it's IGNORANCE."
Secret MicroSoft C code - Microsoft marketing strategyone_month_old) { if (there_are_still_bugs) market(bugfix); if (sales_drop_below_certain_point) raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION); } while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) { make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie. h */ if (rumours_grow_wilder) make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play); if (rumours_grow_even_wilder) { market_time=ripe; say("It will be ready in one month); order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version); order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version); order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense); vapourware=TRUE; break; } } switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) { case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY: say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing"); break; case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK: say("Yes it will work"); ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work); pretend(there_is_no_problem); break; case more...