Important Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. If someone calls while you are on the phone, do not answer the call waiting signals, after all your conversation to your boyfriend`s, cousin`s, sister`s, ex-best friend`s, father-in-law`s, stepson is probably too important to be interrupted. 2. Of course there is no need to record any messages on a piece of paper. a. you would have to actually walk towards the kitchen to get to the pad of paper which requires that you write down a name and check off a few boxes b. but more importantly, all roommates have mental telepathy and are aware that if you tell the party on the phone that he/she will be called back at the callee`s first free moment, the callee will telepathically be aware of this 3. Don`t buy anything for the apartment, use and abuse other roommates items until they are destroyed and wait for them to buy a new one (case example: the spatula). 4. Feel free to leave any and all dirty dishes wherever you please, certainly one of your roommates has taken classes in more...
Don't worry. I've had a vasectomy/hysterectomy. "I won't come in your mouth, I promise." "I'm not really married." "It's only a cold sore." "Looks aren't important to me. I like you for your personality." "Size isn't important." "This won't hurt, I promise." "We don't have to go all the way, we'll just lie here and hold each other." "We'll always be together." A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. A man in the house is worth two in the street. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song. All the good ones are taken. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant Do it only with the best. Don't do it if you can't keep it up. Every more...
1. If someone calls while you are on the phone, do not answer the call waiting signals, after all your conversation to your boyfriend`s, cousin`s, sister`s, ex-best friend`s, father-in-law`s, stepson is probably too important to be interrupted.
2. Of course there is no need to record any messages on a piece of paper.
a. you would have to actually walk towards the kitchen to get to the pad of paper which requires that you write down a name and check off a few boxes
b. but more importantly, all roommates have mental telepathy and are aware that if you tell the party on the phone that he/she will be called back at the callee`s first free moment, the callee will telepathically be aware of this
3. Don`t buy anything for the apartment, use and abuse other roommates items until they are destroyed and wait for them to buy a new one (case example: the spatula).
4. Feel free to leave any and all dirty dishes wherever you please, certainly more...
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it?
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Define "lightbulb".
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to think deeply and come up with a real gem, such as "Well there you are, standing on a chair, changing a lightbulb. Here we see the difference between a cat and a dog. If you have a cat, it looks up at you, thinks' What are you doing? ', and walks off. But if you have a dog, it's looking up at you and thinking' Well, I dunno what you're doing, but I love you anyway.'
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The bulb isn't more...
Don't worry. I've had a vasectomy/hysterectomy. "I won't come in your mouth, I promise." "I'm not really married." "It's only a cold sore." "Looks aren't important to me. I like you for your personality." "Size isn't important." "This won't hurt, I promise." "We don't have to go all the way, we'll just lie here and hold each other." "We'll always be together." A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. A man in the house is worth two in the street. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song. All the good ones are taken. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant Do it only with the best. Don't do it if you can't keep it up. Every more...
Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.
Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute more...
1. Quarters are like gold.
2. Be creative in the dining hall.
3. Flipflops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc.
4. You will never find so many excuses for a bucket.
5. Asleep by 2: 30 am is an early night.
6. New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben Jerry`s, Ho-Hos and Oreos
7. Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.
8. Duct tape heals all wounds. (If not, scotch or masking tape will suffice for awhile.)
9. Showers become less important.
10. Sleep becomes more important.
11. Two meals a day are standard. One for some!
12. Recycling becomes synonomous with laundry ("Oh, my jeans can last until Christmas... there`s only a *little* bit of mud on them...").
13. You can never make too many meals in a hot pot (or pizelle maker).
14. 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class more...