Important Jokes / Recent Jokes
What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together.
10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.
9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
8. more...
Why is beauty more important than brains for a woman?
There are lots of stupid guys, but not so many blind ones.
Those vexatious software companies.
We all know about them. Their software products range from user friendly software to the truly inimical software. Most people would tell you that the majority of software fall in to the latter category. Why?, One might ask. Well, it's just the way it is. To elaborate my point, I present you with the following "Important Notice" I found on the back side of a certain software package.
Important Notice to the purchaser.
The purchaser of this package, hereinafter referred to as the goose punter, is requested to read the under mentioned notice, and on opening and breaking the seal of this package, shall be deemed to have agreed to the following terms.
The goose punter undertakes to use the software on one computer only, and not to duplicate the software on to other computers whether owned by the goose punter or not.
The goose punter also undertakes not to complain about the ridiculously complicated copy more...
! ! ! IMPORTANT NOTICE! ! !
PLEASE NOTICE: You may have noticed the increased amount of
notices for you to notice. Some of our notices have not been
noticed. This is very noticeable. It has been noticed that the
responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticed. This
notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to
the notices because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.
The Department of Notification
An elderly man 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn't have long to live. So he summons the three most important people in his life to tell.
1. His Doctor
2. His Priest
3. His Lawyer
" Well today I found out I don't have long to live. So I asked you three here, because your the most important people in my life. And I need to ask a favour. Today I am going to give each of you and envelope with $50, 000 dollars in it. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money in my grave."
Well a few days later the man passed on, The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10, 000 dollars of his money, he owed me lots of medical bills. But I threw the other $35, 000 in."
The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept $25, 000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in."
Well the Lawyer just couldn't believe what he was hearing, "I am more...
It is December 30 1999 11: 00 PM, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Boris Yeltsin appear before god. God: I have called you here with me because to my opinion you are the three most important men on earth. I want you to spread the message that I will destroy the earth on January 1. I will now send you back.......... Spread the message Boris Yeltsin: He gathers his comrades and says Friends I have bad news for us: 1) God exists 2) The world will be destroyed soon Bill Clinton: Clinton gathers his staff members and senators and says I have good news and bad news: 1) The good news is that God exists 2) The bad news is that he will destroy the world Bill Gates: Gates gathers all his managers and says I just have good news for you guys: 1) I am one of the three most important people on the planet 2) The Y2K-bug is solved