Impossible Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy from Tyson Foods arranged a visit with the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing he whispered, "Your Eminence, we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread...' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken...' then we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church".
The Pope responds saying, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
"Well," says the Tyson man, "We are prepared to donate one billion dollars to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread...' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken..."
Again the Pope replies "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
Finally, the Tyson guy says, "This is our last offer. We will donate five billion dollars to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread...' to more...
A middle-aged blonde goes to the doctor and says "Doc I have this really bad itch can you tell me whats wrong?"
He examines her and says, "You have crabs."
She says, "Thats impossible! I have never had sex before," and storms out of the doctor's office.
She goes to another doctor and he says the same thing, and again she insists that it is impossible because she had never had sex.
Finally, she goes to a third doctor and says, "Look Doc... I have seen two other doctors about this itch and they keep telling me I have crabs, but that is impossible."
He examines her and he says, "Ohhhh. Now I see the problem. It's not crabs. Your cherry is rotten and you have fruit flies."
Excerpts from Readers's Digest.
My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. more...