Inch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once An American, A Russian And An Indian Were Praising Their Countries..... American: In My Country.. Once An American Reached
The Epicentre Of The Earth! ! Russian And Indian: Oh!! Really!! Woh!! American: Not Really Just Two Inch Above That!
Russian: Once In My Country A Russian Reached The Bottom Of Pacific Ocean!! Indian And American: Oh Really? Russian: Not
Really... Just Two Inch Above That. Indian: That's Nothing. .. In My Country Each And Every Citizen Can Eat With His Nose.
Russian And American: Oh Wow!! Really?? Indian: No, Not Really Just 2 Inch Below That.............!!!

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." she said." Anything, anything," said the ambassador." First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement." Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!" The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation." Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion more...

A man's car broke down in the middle of the Nullarbor plain (in other words: middle of nowhere). There was not another car in sight, so he started walking...
Three hours later no cars had passed and he was getting very, very thirsty. Just then a man riding a kangaroo bounced up.
"Want to buy a tie?" he asked.
"No! Water - quick, help, water."
"Sorry, I've only got ties." and the man and roo bounded off.
Hours later, the stranded man was still staggering along - desperate now for a drink. Another man (and another kangaroo) bounded up to him.
"Water, help I need water." gasped the stranded man.
"Oh, wouldn't you like to buy a tie?" said the mounted man.
"No! Water - quick, help water!"
"Sorry mate, I can do you with a nice polka dot or a paisley or even a hand painted lady - but can't help with water." and off he went.
The man was crawling now, inch by inch he clambered over the more...

An Italian, an American, and a Polak were captured by the French for various crimes and are taken to the Guillotine. The executioner places the Italian on the block and asks if he has any last words. The Italian replies, "I pray to the Virgin Mary that I may live." They drop the blade it it stops a mere inch above the Italian's neck. Amazed, the French let him go. Next, the American is put in position and asked if he has any final words. He replies, "In the name of Jesus Christ, please have mercy." They drop the blade, and again it stops just an inch from the American's neck. In disbelief, they let him go free. Then the Polak is placed on the block, and they ask if he has any last words. He says, "Yeah. You've got a knot in your rope."

IMPORTANT! READ THIS BEFORE USING YOUR NEW DEVICE
Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bone-head consumer maneuvers. Which is why we ask you to:
PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE.
YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT?
WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?!?
We're sorry. We just get a little crazy sometimes because we're always getting back "defective" merchandise where it turns out that the consumer inadvertently bathed the more...

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he wants to drink and he replies a beer. He hears something and turns around and sees a little 12 inch pianist.
The guy asked the bartender where he got the 12 inch pianist. The bartender replies "I got from my genie" and hands him his beer. The guy says can I borrow that genie and the bartender says sure.
So the guy goes into the bathroom and wishes for a million bucks. He comes out of the bathroom with ducks flying everywhere. The bartender asks what did you wish for.The guy replies "I wished for a million bucks but instead I got a million ducks." The bartender says,"Well do you think I wished for a 12 INCH PIANIST!!!

A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks.
This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says "Hey, how 'bout it? You and me, gettin' it on. I've got a couple of dollars and it looks like you could use a little money."
She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?"