Inch Jokes / Recent Jokes

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy faints. The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy,
"What's wrong with you?"
The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said' Turn around'."

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.
Beware of...
THE CLINTON Virus...
(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...
(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus...
(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)
THE RONALD REAGAN virus...
(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus...
(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus...
(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)
THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus...
(Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...
(Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC virus...
(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...
(Only attacks minor files)
THE more...

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.
Beware of...
THE CLINTON Virus....
(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...
(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus...
(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)
THE RONALD REAGAN virus....
(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus....
(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus....
(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)
THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus....
(Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...
(Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC virus....
(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...
(Only attacks minor files)
THE more...

He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.Beware of...THE CLINTON Virus....(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)THE LEWINSKY virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)THE RONALD REAGAN virus....(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)THE MIKE TYSON virus....(Quits after two bytes)THE OPRAH WINFREY virus....(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus....(Deletes all old files)THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...(Disks can no longer be inserted)THE PROZAC virus....(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...(Only attacks minor files)THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)...and last but not least...THE more...

"Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?" - Asked of a waitress.
"Just the chicken." - The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup.
"Would you like cream and sugar with that?" - Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal.
"Do you want cheese on that?" - Asked when a customer ordered a plain cheeseburger.
"You want fries with that?" - Asked when a customer ordered an apple turnover.
"Do you want onions on that?" - A waitress, in response to a couple ordering a milk shake and a large cola.
"Is there any meat in the veggie rolls?"
"Do you get rice with your fried rice?"
"I'm sorry, we only have six inch and foot long subs." - A waitress, when asked for a 12 inch sub.
"Would you like to care for a cup of coffee?" - A waitress.
"Which of these more...

two golfers out playing golf, dave says to chas can i get a light for my cigarette, sure says chas, in my golf bag. he looks in the golf bag and sees a 12 inch bic lighter, lights his cigarette and asks why such a big lighter, havent u seen my genie replies chas, hes in my golf bag.dave looks in his golf bag and sure enough a genie appears.i am your masters best friend, says dave, can you grant me 1 wish. sure said the genie, and what do you wish for, i wish for a million pounds, said dave . your wish is my command said the genie.next minute one million hounds come running up the golf course towards dave and chas. whats this says dave, i asked for a million pounds not a million hounds, is your genie hard of hearing or what. chas replies, do you honestly think i asked for a twelve inch bic?