Increased Jokes / Recent Jokes

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Sheeda from
Chuk no -3, District Gujrat, Pakistan. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Sheeda," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"

"Right now," said Sheeda, after a moment `s calculation, "there is
myself, my cousin Basheera, my next door neighbor Karam Deen, and the entire kabaddi team from the village. That makes eight"

Bush paused. "I must tell you, Sheeda that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."

"BLOODY Hell " said Sheeda. "I `ll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Sheeda called again.
"Mr. Bush, it is Sheeda, I `m calling from Chuk no-3 more...

Bill Gates: Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo: Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates: Have you installed Windows at home?
Laloo: I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house. Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo: OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates(Sweating): Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased moquito problems many people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates(Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo: RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A. P.
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I more...

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross.".? Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not more...

One afternoon, Bill Clinton was sitting in his office when his telephone rang.
"Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Bholaji. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you!" Well, Bholaji," Bill replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" At this moment in time," says Bholaji after a moments calculation, "There is myself, my cousin Herolal, my next door neighbor Pyarelal and the entire Kabbadi team from the Village. That makes 8!" Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Bholaji that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my word." OK," says Bholaji. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Bholaji calls back. "Right Mr. Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "What equipment would that be, Bholaji?" Bill asks. Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a more...

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that more...

One afternoon, Bill Clinton was sitting in his office when his telephone rang.
"Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Bholaji. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you!"

Well, Bholaji," Bill replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"

At this moment in time," says Bholaji after a moments calculation, "There is myself, my cousin Herolal, my next door neighbor Pyarelal and the entire Kabbadi team from the Village. That makes 8!"

Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Bholaji that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my word."

OK," says Bholaji. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day Bholaji calls back. "Right Mr. Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"

"What equipment would that be, more...

>
>
> Father Knows Best
>
> A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth, and the doctor
> told them that he had developed an experimental machine and asked if they
> would like to try it out.
> He explained carefully that the machine could take some of the pain of
> childbirth from the mother and give it to the biological father.
> Both the husband and the wife thought this was a wonderful idea and decided
> to give it a try.
> The doctor set the knob on the machine at ten percent for starters,
> explaining to the man that even ten percent was probably more pain than he
> had ever experienced.
> But the man was suprised at how litttle pain he felt and asked the doctor
> to go ahead and turn it up a notch.
> The doctor twisted the knob up to twenty percent and checked the husband's
> blood pressure, which was fine.
> Amazed, the doctor turned the knob again and increased the pain more...