India Jokes / Recent Jokes

A group of Americans was touring a market in India when Mr. Beesley noticed a local man watering his elephant. Strolling over and taking the man's picture, Beesley wondered if he had time to do some exploring on his own. Having left his watch at the hotel, he said, "I wonder, sir, if you could tell me the time?"
The Indian nodded, then reached out and took the elephant's balls in his hand, shifting them slightly.
"It's five of one," he said after a moment.
"Good God!" gasped the American. "That's incredible. Wait here, I've got to tell the others."
Rushing back to the group and telling them what he'd seen, he brought them over to the owner of the elephant and once again asked for the time. And once again the Indian reached out, cupped the elephant's balls in his hand as though weighing them, then moved them to one side and declared, "It is seven minutes past one."
One of the group members checked her watch and more...

THIS is attributed to Rajaji: Before Indepen­dence, he was arguing with an Englishman about India's freedom. The Englishman retorted,' Look here! We have spent millions of pounds here - building cities, laying roads, railways and canals. We have built dams and barrages, universities, hospitals; opened mines; built ports and harbours, and so on. Do you seriously ask us to pack up bag and baggage and leave India?'
'No said Rajaji,' please leave the bag and baggage behind.'

In a remote village of India one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat Katha to a class. He is at the' Krishnajanma' part of it.
Masterji: to bachcho, so kamsa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is goin to kill him. he was furious. he ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kamsa kills him by poisoning sencond one is born and kamsa thorws him off the mountain peak third one is born..
Now Ramu who is smartest puts up his hand.
Masterji (sounding nervous and confused): Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt in Mahabharata and how come u have one?
Ramu Beta: Masterji, if Kamsa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him, why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the same cell??

A Punjabi Bibi (wife) goes on Vacation to Goa. There she meets a Big Black Dravidian Man from Malabar. Overawed by his musculature, she invites him to her bed that night. By the next morning the Aryan Bibi has had the best sex of her entire life. Impressed, she asks him his name. But he refuses to tell.

So she has intercourse with him every night without knowing his name. Finally after her 7th & last night she insists he tell her so she can remember forever.
So he finally reveals it, 'Panikkatti'.
'That's a nice name!' she says. 'What does it mean in Malabari languages, I mean Malayalam, Tulu or Niligiri ?'

He hesitates but then explains, 'It means Snow.'
At this the Begum (lady) bursts into laughter. The Shudra becomes angry and asks, 'Why are you laughing at me ?'
The Bibi replies, 'I'm not laughing at you, but at my Punjabi Shohar (husband). He will never believe me when I tell him I had One Foot of Snow every day in Goa !!!'

A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists.
The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese
could do to better the car.
The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car, they than sent
it to the U.K.
The British scientists, to better the car, added a sound system and window
tint. They then sent it over to the Chinese, who
added on a lowered suspension to the tiny car.
The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists, looked at
the tiny car, appreciated all the modifications
the other countries had made,
turned it over and stamped a sign on it... MADE IN INDIA!!!

The following item was extracted from the travel section of a UK daily newspaper:
Travelling in India is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable - and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous.
Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on an ancient text. These 12 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English.
ARTICLE I
The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
ARTICLE II
The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to: cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, Jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.
ARTICLE III
All wheeled vehicles more...

India's space agency has said it will launch its first manned mission to space in 2016. Observers say India is emerging as a major player in the multi-billion dollar space market, with some going so far as to predict that India will be providing call center support for all space missions from earth by the year 2020.