Indicates Jokes / Recent Jokes

A team of archaeologists discovered a slab of rock with five figures carved on it, in the following order:
A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.
Following months of study, the team leader took the rock on a lecture tour. He said that although the carvings were thousands of years old, they revealed a great deal about the people of that time.
The woman being placed first in the line of figures indicates that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.
The donkey was probably used to till their fields. The shovel indicates they were highly intelligent, since they knew how to make tools. The fish reveals they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea. The Star of David, of course, indicates they were a very religious group of people.
A little old man seated in the front row managed to get the speaker's attention. When acknowledged, he said, "I apologize for blowing your conclusions, more...

Two golfers join up at the first tee and each explains that due to a psychological problem, they play slightly differently than most golfers. The soon learn that they both have the same doctor who has prescribed a game of golf using an imaginary golf ball to reduce stress. And so they tee off with their imaginary balls. After a day of splitting fairways and hitting nothing less then eagles, birdies and pars, they reach the 18th hole.. The first one indicates because they are equal in their score that he should hit first. So he tees off with his imaginary ball. "Look at that, a beautiful shot just on the edge of the green" The second guy hits his imaginary ball and indicates that it has also landed on the edge next to the other ball. The first guy lines up and drains his 20-footer to the bottom of the cup. "You wouldn't believe it, my ball just rolled into the cup, I win." The second guy responds, "You won't believe it either, you just hit my ball."

string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.
detaché: an indication that the trombones are to play with their slides removed.
glissando: a technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.
subito piano: indicates an opportunity for some obscure orchestra player to become a soloist.
risoluto: indicates to orchestras that they are to stubbornly maintain the correct tempo no matter what the conductor tries to do.
senza sordino: a term used to remind the player that he forgot to put his mute on a few measures back.
preparatory beat: a threat made to singers, i. e., sing, or else....
crescendo: a reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly.
conductor: a musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.
clef: something to jump from before the viola solo.

A very devout nun dies and goes to heaven. Upon arrival she is greeted with ceremony and honor and told she may immediately have any wish she chooses while her place is prepared for her.

She humbly and politely replies that she would like an audience with Holy Mary, if this is possible. Peter agrees on the spot and escorts her personally to a little door, hitherto unnoticed in the great vault of the firmament.

He knocks softly. There's a murmured reply from within and he opens the door and indicates to his guest to enter. Within, sitting in a plain chair is a middle-aged Jewish woman in the garb of the first century knitting.

The nun sits reverently for some time at Mary's feet and finally gestures so as to ask a question. Mary looks up from her knitting and indicates it is OK to ask. "Reverend Mother, please tell me, you were chosen from all women to be the mother of God, you a simple Jewish woman I know, but if you could, just give me an inkling more...

The software engineering community has been placing a great deal of
emphasis lately on metrics and their use in software development. The
following metrics are probably among the most valuable for a software
project:
The Pizza Metric
How: Count the number of pizza boxes in the lab.
What: Measures the amount of schedule under-estimation.
If people are spending enough after-hours time
working on the project that they need to have
meals delivered to the office, then there has
obviously been a mis-estimation somewhere.
The Aspirin Metric
How: Maintain a centrally-located aspirin bottle for use
by the team. At the beginning and end of each month,
count the number of aspirin remaining aspirin in the
bottle.
What: Measures stress suffered by the team during the project.
This most likely indicates poor project design in the
early phases, which causes over-expenditure of effort
later on. In the early phases, high more...