Ingredients Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ingredients:
2 Laughing Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
2 Large Nuts
1 Large Banana
Method:
Look into Loving Eyes.
Fold in Loving Arms.
Spread Well Shaped Legs.
Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed.
Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.
Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl.
N.B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.

After much research and millions of dollars, our scientists have
discovered the secret ingredients to Viagra!
VIAGRA INGREDIENT LIST: (TopSecret!) 3% Vitamin E 2% aspirin 2%
ibuprofen 1% Vitamin C
...and... 92% Fix-A-Flat!

After much research and millions of dollars, our scientists havediscovered the secret ingredients to Viagra! VIAGRA INGREDIENT LIST: (TopSecret!) 3% Vitamin E 2% aspirin 2%ibuprofen 1% Vitamin C...and... 92% Fix-A-Flat!

DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be consumed separately. Although soon to be discontinued, a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it’s no longer available.

Mac Beer
At first, came only in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a “light” beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call the brewery to ask about the ingredients, you are told that “you don’t need to know. ” A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trash can.

Windows 3. 1 Beer
The world’s most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer’s. Requires that you already own more...

Santa happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story.
The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.
When Santa's turn came after many attempts by others. Santa's story was of just one sentence which read "Oh god, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the american whether it contained all the four ingredients! American replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh god: religion.
My wife: sex.
Going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"Okay... but where is the mystery?" asked one of the organizers.
Santa replied: who is the father? He was the winner for writing the shortest story!

Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.
To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with more...

Chocolate Chip Cookies:Ingredients:1. 532.35 cm3 gluten2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO33. 4.9 cm3 refined halite4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O116. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O117. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to more...