Inscription Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?" __________________________________________Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet! __________________________________________Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap! __________________________________________Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" Husband to wife: more...

Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.Why?
Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
__________________________________________
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet!
__________________________________________
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap!
__________________________________________
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at more...

A husband and wife were having an argument in bed. Finally, he jumped up, grabbed a blanket and went to sleep on the couch.
The next day, the wife felt bad about what happened and decided to buy her husband a gift. Since he was an avid golfer, she went to the pro shop where he usually played golf.
She talked with the pro and he suggested a putter and showed her one of the finest ones he had.
"How much is it?" she asked.
"One hundred and fifty dollars," he replied. She felt that was very expensive and told him so.
"Well, it does come with an inscription," he said.
"What kind of inscription?" she asked.
"Whatever you wish," he explained, "but one of the old favorites is, 'Never Up, Never In'."
"OH, that will never do!" exclaimed the wife. "That's what started the argument in the first place!"

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.
The husband gave his wife a gift ~ a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife ~ cold as ever."
Later, the furious wife bought a return gift ~ also a tombstone ~ on which the inscription read: Here lies my husband ~ stiff at last."

There was an old maid who lived in a small village. In spite of her old age, she was very proud of the fact that she was still a virgin. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she informed the local undertaker that she wished to have the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Shortly thereafter, the old maid died peacefully and the undertaker told his men what she had said. The men went to carve it in, but being the lazy no-goods they were, they felt the inscription was unnecessarily long. Instead, they simply wrote:
"Return unopened."

Q: Whats the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones? A: "I didnt wake up this morning..."

Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows on my PC, I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows CD. Too my astonishment and distress he threw it into my micro-wave oven and turned it on. I was upset because the CD had become precious to me, but he said' Do not worry, it is unharmed.'After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said' Take a close look at it.' To my surprise the CD was quite cold and it seemed to have become thicker and heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription, in lines finer than anything I have ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth: more...