Insert Jokes / Recent Jokes

Please note that Banks are installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.
3. Set parking Brake, Put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
5. Turn the radio down.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert more...

HIM:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Leave

HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because she's too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
12a. Hit "cancel"
12b. Call husband to get correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check more...

Hymie says to Bernie, “Listen, why do we need this letter M in the word ‘Yitzhak’?”

Bernie says, “But there is no M in ‘Yitzhak’!” Hymie replies, “No, I mean what if we insert it there?” Bernie says, “But why do we need to insert M in ‘Yitzhak’?” And Hymie then says, “But that's exactly what I'm asking you. Why do we need M in the word ‘Yitzhak’?”

Chase is very pleased to announce that we are installing newDrive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cashwithout leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilisethis facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored tobest reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings. PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to the ATM2. Open the car window3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN4. Enter amount of cash required and press "enter"5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt6. Close window7. Drive awayPROCEDURE FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to the ATM2. Reverse back the required distance to align car with ATM3. Re-start stalled engine4. Open the car window5. Find handbag, empty all contents onto the passenger seat and locate card6. Turn radio down7. Attempt to insert card into ATM8. Open car door to allow easier access to ATM due to excessive distance between car and ATM9. Insert card10. Re-insert card the right way up11. Ignore the sound of car more...

A young man walks in on a bar and he ordered a beer. After a while, he notices there's a beer keg with a small hole says "Magic Beer Keg, insert 50 cents for pleasure." The young man asks the bertender what so magical with that beer keg.
He told the young men to insert 50 cents in the small hole and then insert his penis in it. He does as the bartender says and all of the sudden he feels someone is sucking his penis from inside the beer keg.
After he finishes his "pleasure", the young man compliments about it and the bartender asks if he wants to be the beer keg member so that he can do pleasure for free. The young man says "OK" and the bartender says "OK, tomorrow you got the shift inside that beer keg."

AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...

1. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
2. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
in the distance?
Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
3. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
"Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
4. What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
An elephant is grey.
5. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colorblind)
6. How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back.
7. What game do four elephants in a mini play?
Squash
8. How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.
How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open more...