Inside Jokes / Recent Jokes

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for more...

On his death and his arrival in hell, the devil is showing his newest arrival around and tells him he will have a choice of rooms in which to pass away the time in hell. The first room the devil take him in to is boiling hot, with flames lapping the walls and engulfing the floor and the people in there look none too happy.
He passes on this room and they move on to the next room. Inside it is freezing cold, icicles hang from the ceiling and the people inside have all turned blue with cold.
The guy passes on this room too, and is starting to feel a little concerned about his fate. However, on entering the next room he sees dozens of people sitting at tables sipping cups of tea. The only downside is that there is knee deep shit on the floor. The man considers this for a moment, turns to the devil and says "It's a bit smelly, but I think I can bear standing in shit for eternity."
The devil smiles, shows him to a seat and disappears.
The man takes a seat, more...

Even more clues you could be a Redneck...

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
Your dog goes "oink!"
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
You know how to milk a goat.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
You've ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest more...

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?A: A Space Invader.

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I. D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O. D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N. B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3. 2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the more...

There was some mix-up with a womans room. Theclerk (or whatever they are called on ships) wastrying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would youlike an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" Shereplied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. Id better get an inside cabin."

A dog inside a kennel barks at his fleas. A dog hunting does not notice them.