Insist Jokes / Recent Jokes
50 ways to FREAK your roommate
1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave
"Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your
roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair
of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and
dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying,
"Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
4. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate
to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like,
THEY, were here again."
5. Every time you see your more...
* In the memo field of all your checks, write, “for sensual massage. ” * Specify that your drive-through order is “to go. ” * If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking with others. * Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. * Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions, “to keep them tuned up. ” * Reply to everything someone says with, “that’s what YOU think. ” * Practice making fax and modem noises. * Make beeping noises when you back up. * Finish all your sentences with the words, “in accordance with prophecy. ” * Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. * Holler random numbers while someone is counting. * Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way. ” * Staple papers in the middle of the page. * Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise. * Honk and wave to more...
You've been in graphics too long if...by Chris ThornborrowMost of your friends can pronounce Gouraud first time. When you fist heard that some people used 16 million colours you wondered whatever for and continued to write colour-map tables for correct highlights on objects. You remember comp.graphics when there weren't enough articles for you to read, none of them included the word PC and nobody ever asked the difference between raytracing and rendering. You insist that DOOM does not use raycasting. (Technically, as it was first introduced, and anyway, who plays games at your age?) Your partner knows the difference between scientific visualisation and photorealistic rendering, even though they wouldn't know a polygon from a camel. You think an SGI Indy is OK for a quick hack but not a real graphics machine. You remember discussing how one day there would be graphics hardware to support rendering in desktop machines and people laughed. You watched the Last Starfighter in an empty more...
When do men insist that women are illogical? When a woman doesnt agree with them.
Q: How many Kennedy assassination conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 15-One to screw it in, five to say he acted alone, one to say that someone hidden in the ceiling helped, one to film it, one to do an intense examination of the film and conclude that a) it was tampered with and b) it proves that the first screwer did not act alone, one to insist that the bulb was altered after it was unscrewed, three tramps to walk across the room an hour later, one to insist LBJ really screwed the bulb in, and one to accuse all the others of being disinformation specialists.
30 Ways to Have Fun at the Expense of Others
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random more...
A man goes to japan for a buiseness trip. The President of the buiseness is japenese and insist it is only right for the man to sleep with his wife. The man says no I'm married. The boss insist though that he sleeps with his wife. So the man says," ok just tonight." Well all night the bosses wife is saying Muchaka, Muchaka. The next day the man and his boss are golfing. When they got to the eighteinth hole everything was going good and the boss was about to give the man a raise. The man got out his wood and took a shot. He got a hole and one. After the ball went in the bosses wife said Muchaka. The man said to his boss," your wife said Muchaka all last night and said it again just know. What does it mean?" the boss replied."it means wrong hole."