Instead Jokes / Recent Jokes
If Microsoft Built Cars...
1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year instead of before it.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT. But then you'd have to buy more seats.
5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was powered by the sun, twice as reliable, and five times as fast - but it would only run on 5 percent of the roads.
6. The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
7. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.
8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft more...
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
Q: Why do they say' Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of' Awomen'?
A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!
Q: Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A: He only had two worms!
Q: When was the longest day in the Bible?
A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.
Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: He didn't want any advice.
Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A roamin' Catholic!
Doctor:' Your recovery was a miracle!'
Patient:' PRAISE GOD. Now I don't have to pay you!'
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!
A Message From Your Computer:
You look really sexy in that...thing you've got on tonight. I
like the way your eyes are always open when you read your
E-Mail. When you type, it reminds me of a concert pianist
tinkling on her keys.
You really know how to push the right buttons to turn me on.
If I wasn't a computer, I'd show you what "Hard Drive" really
means!
But Alas, I'm only a bundle of circuits and wires, obeying
your every command. Yes mistress! I'll balance your cheque-
book. Yes mistress! I'll run your silly little program.
Don't get me wrong...I like the Master/Slave thing, but
maybe just once in a while you could show some
compassion? Maybe instead of just ramming the diskette in,
you could slide it in slowly, maybe even blow in the slot
first. And maybe instead of just using me and turning me off
when you're through, we could talk for a while afterwards?
I know other computers have hurt you in the more...
ADDICTED INTERNET JUNKIE!!!
1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy--for a year!!!
2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ... instead of ICU!
5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer...or put it in the bathroom.
7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car.
8. Tech support calls YOU for help.
9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
14. You find out more...
Yo Mama is so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck!
ADDICTED INTERNET JUNKIE!!! 1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy--for a year!!! 2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ... instead of ICU! 5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer...or put it in the bathroom.7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car.8. Tech support calls YOU for help.9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.14. You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.15. You talk on more...