Instructor Jokes / Recent Jokes

The expectant women and their partners were attending their lamaze class. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was instructing the men on how to give the necessary assurances at this stage.
"Ladies," the instructor said, "you must remember that exercise if very good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. Gentleman, it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner."
The room was very quiet as everyone was paying careful attention to what the instructor had to say. Suddenly, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes, Mr. Jones?" said the instructor.
"Is it ok if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

n this particular branch of the Army's officer training school,
the instructor was returning a test. The students identified their work by the last four digits of their Social Security number. In the early hours of a morning, the instructor was calling the numbers.
.
"Four-seven-seven-zero?" he asked.
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"Here," replied one half-awake lieutenant-to-be. Taking the
paper, though, he realized he had mistakenly asked for the
wrong paper.
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"Seven-zero-seven-five?" asked the instructor.
.
"Here," repeated the student, gearing for trouble.
.
"I thought you were four-seven-seven-zero, soldier," spoke the teacher.
.
"That's right, sir," answered our hero. "I have a nick-number."

This Flight instruction and her student were hold on the runway, awaiting clearance for take off from the tower, when suddenly, a deer darts out of the nearby wood, and stops right in the middle of the runway.
The student asks the instructor, what should he do? The Instruction replies, "What do you think you should?"
"Maybe I should taxi toward the deer?"
The instructor replies "Thats a good idea!"
Tower: "Cessna 100 clear for take-off" (taxis toward the deer, but the deer just stands there, holding postion)
The student repeats his question, and gets reply this time suggestion he contact the tower: "Tower, Cessna 100. There a deer here on the runway!"
Tower: "Roger 100, hold postion, Deer on Runway 50, cleared for immediate takeoff."
Two seconds later then deer takes off (back toward the woods).
Tower: "Cessna 100 cleared for take-off runway 50, caution wake tuburlece, departing deer!"

There are three men who wanted to learn how to play golf, so they hired a golf instructor. The instructor asked the three men to hit the golf ball as far as they can. One man hit way to the right, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

Then the second man hit it way to the left, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

Then the third man hit the golf ball two feet ahead of him, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

The three puzzled men asked the instructor what "LOFT" meant.

The instructor simply said, "Lack of freaking talent!"

This georgeous young girl was negotiating with the driving instructor to give her some lessons. The instructor tells her that he will teach her for free if she will sit on his lap and learn to drive. The girl thought it was a good offer and accepted it. On the agreed day, she sat on his lap and he promptly pulled up her skirt and shafted his dick up her arse. "What was that for" she asks. "Well", he says, "The seatbelt would go around only one of us and I have to restrain you somehow".

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next? ”
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach? ”

A redneck wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the redneck to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The redneck understood and was ready.
The time came to have the redneck jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the redneck that he would be right behind him. The redneck proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the redneck.
The redneck, seeing this, yelled as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"