Instructor Jokes / Recent Jokes

13. Your dojo's symbol is a bullseye target. 12. First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully. 11. Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector. 10. The "gis" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars" are just slices of old cheese. 9. The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie. 8. The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of the Three Stooges. 7. Instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop quizzes" in dark alleys. 6. Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor. 5. Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end. 4. Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does not exist in this dojo!" 3. You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying to tie your belt on. 2. Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Gerrad, a friend of mine, bought a computer, even though he had never even used a typewriter before. After investigating the computer, he decided to call the help line. A friendly voice explained step by step how his new machine worked. All went well until the voice told him to press the space bar. After studying the keyboard, Gerrad said; "I've got the latest model and it doesn't have a space bar." But after further explanation, he managed to find it.A week later, Gerrad again had problems and called the help line. An instructor was then sent to his house for training. But after a few minutes, Gerrad's head was spinning. "You don't need to go any further," he sighed, I don't understand a thing."To cheer him up, the instructor said: "Hey, there are people who understand a lot less than you. Last week we had someone on more...

A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could. When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the muffler..."

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK,, just grip it like you do your husband's member". After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racquet out of your mouth."

It seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they sign up for a memory course. The course is wonderful; they come home and tell all their relatives, friends, and neighbors about it. Some months later, a neighbor approaches the man as he tends the garden.
Neighbor asks, "Say, Ed, what was the name of the instructor of that memory course you liked so much?"
Ed replies, "Well, it was...hmmm...let me think a minute... What's the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems...?
Neighbor says, "You mean a rose?"
Ed replies, "Yeah, that's it!...(shouting toward house) Hey, Rose, what was the memory course instructor's name?

Gerrad, a friend of mine, bought a computer, even though he had never even used a typewriter before. After investigating the computer, he decided to call the help line. A friendly voice explained step by step how his new machine worked. All went well until the voice told him to press the space bar. After studying the keyboard, Gerrad said; “I’ve got the latest model and it doesn’t have a space bar. ” But after further explanation, he managed to find it.
A week later, Gerrad again had problems and called the help line. An instructor was then sent to his house for training. But after a few minutes, Gerrad’s head was spinning. “You don’t need to go any further, ” he sighed, I don’t understand a thing. ”
To cheer him up, the instructor said: “Hey, there are people who understand a lot less than you. Last week we had someone on the phone who didn’t even know where the space bar was! ”

It seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they sign up for a memory course. The course is wonderful; they come home and tell all their relatives, friends, and neighbors about it. Some months later, a neighbor approaches the man as he tends the garden.Neighbor asks, "Say, Ed, what was the name of the instructor of that memory course you liked so much?"Ed replies, "Well, it was...hmmm...let me think a minute... What's the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems...? Neighbor says, "You mean a rose?"Ed replies, "Yeah, that's it!...(shouting toward house) Hey, Rose, what was the memory course instructor's name?