Instructor Jokes / Recent Jokes

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?""Sure. That's easy," said one man."What is it?""H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.""What, what?" reasked the instructor."H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

When the indians were being delivered their new fleet of fighter jets, an instructor espically came from russia to explain the indian air force & army the simplictiy of the operation of the planes (from russia because india buys their planes from russia)
So when the first plane was delivered, the instructor told the indian army ” this has 3 buttons, the one on the top is to take off, the one on the left is to go left and the one on the right is to go right. ”
The soldiers nodded in understanding. But one soldier raised his hand and asked ” but sir, how will we get down? ”
The instuctor replied “oh! Leave that to the pakistanis”

A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a groupof new troops on making a proper jump. He told them:"When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up, you hook up. When you go out the door, yell' Geronimo!' and wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, get in the plane." After a short flight he yelled "Stand UP! Hook UP!" and beganshoving the troops out the door. Just after the last trooperexited, the sergeant shut the door. Suddenly, he heard someoneknocking on the door. He opened it to see a private flapping his arms trying to imitate a seagull. The private looked himin the eye and asked What did you say that SOB's name was?

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I`ve got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor`s left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I`m so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk more...

A Polak wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The Polak understood and was ready.The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him. The Polak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping
from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the Polak.

The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

"I suppose," said the heartless drill instructor to the new recruit, "that when I die, you'll make a special trip to my grave just to spit on it."
"Not me, sir," said the young man. "When I get out of here I'm never standing in line again."

As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office.

The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?"

The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn't about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR."