Insults Jokes / Recent Jokes

A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decided to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He went to a music store, walked in, approached the store clerk and said, "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion."

The store clerk looked at him a bit funny, and replied, "Okay, you can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator has to stay."

The Russian wrestling team and American wrestling team are having a 5-on-5 exhibition match. Both teams are down to their final wrestlers, tied at two wins apiece. The remaining American wrestler is 5'10", 175lbs., and his Russian counterpart is 6'7", 300lbs and all muscle. The American coach sends his wrestler into the match with little hope of winning. As expected, the Russian has with way with the American. Suddenly, the American explosively turns the match around, pins the Russian, and gains the victory for the American team.
The American wrestler returns to the sidelines where the coach asks him, "Son, how were you able to defeat that big Russian? Honestly, I didn't give you much of a chance."
The wrestler says, "Well, coach, when he had me down on the ground all rolled up, I saw a pair of nuts dangling in front of my face, and I just bit them as hard as I could."
The coach is shocked. "That's how you beat him?!"
"Hell more...

In the smoking car on a train, the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject.

"Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life,and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty, I lived an absolutely simple regular life - no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner - a plain dinner. After that, an hour's exercise; then..."

"Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but what were you in for?"

A country boy decides to join the Army. He walks into the recruiters office and announces, "I want to join the Army!" The recruiter offers the boy a seat across the desk from him, looks at the country boy and asks, "How old are you son?" The country boy answers, "Well, last year I was 22, but I can't figure out how old I am now. Let me go home and ask my mama, I reckon she's the only one who keeps up with my age." The country boy gets up and starts to leave.

The recruiter barks, "Son, get over here and sit down in this seat right this minute!" The country boy does as the recruiter orders him to. After a minute of eyeing the country boy, the recruiter asks, "Son, there ain't much between you and a fool is there?"

The country boy thinks it over for a minute, then replies, "Just this desk I guess."

After sex a woman comments,
"You have a very small guitar".
The guy responded, "I didn't know I was expected to perform in a city hall!"

The Irish girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."

"What is it, child?"

The girl said, "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."

The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."

Why do fat people hate rolls?
Because they see enough everday when they look in the mirror!