Intelligence Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you call a man with 90% of his intelligence gone? Divorced

The measure of a man's intelligence is inversely proportional to the amount of time he keeps his mouth open.

Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.

God created the mule, and told him, "You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."
And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much.Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.God then created themonkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."
And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world istoo much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years." And it more...

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on anextremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "heyhow come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?" pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him." So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says "Hey, how comewe do all a da work and you get all a da money?" The supervisor says "Intelligence". Guido says "what is this intelligence?" The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says "Hita myhand as hard as you can!" Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit thesupervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisorpulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisorsays "That's intelligence". Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and hisco-worker says "Hey what did he say?" With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on hisface and says "hita my hand as hard as you can.. . "

A little boy went up to his father and asked:
'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'
The father replied:' Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother,' cause I still have mine.'

How do you measure the intelligence of a blonde? Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear.