Intercom Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following are the top three winners from a "Most Embarrassing Moments" contest in New Woman Magazine:
No. 1
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished.
"To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing!
"I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter."
No. 2
"It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, more...

A plane was taking off from New Delhi Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the pilot made an announnncement over the intercom.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain, Banta speaking. Welcome to Flight No. 333, nonstop from New Delhi to London. The weather ahead is good and we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now, just sit back and relax."
Then he quickly yells out loud - "OH MY GOD!"
Dead silence followed. After a few minutes, the pilot comes back on the intercom and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was speaking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of hot coffee and spilled it all over my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
Santa in Coach shouts back, "That's nothing, you should see the back of mine!"

A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there’s a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom “I’m sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We’ll be delayed 45 minutes. ”
Suddenly there’s another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they’ll be delayed two hours.
Shortly thereafter, there is another bang and the pilot announces that they’ll be delayed 3 hours. The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, “Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we’ll be up here all day. ”

An airline pilot finishes talking to the passengers after the plane has taken off, and forgets to turn off the intercom. He said to the co-pilot, "I think I'll go take a dump and then put the make on that new blonde stewardess."
The stewardess hears it, and runs up the aisle to tell him the intercom is still on. She trips and falls in her haste.
A little old lady looks down at her and says, "There's no rush, honey. He said he had to take a dump first."

A plane takes off from New York's Kennedy Airport. After it reaches a cruising altitude, Captain Sparks makes an announcement over the intercom.' Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 293,' he says.' The weather ahead looks clear, so sit back, relax and - OH MY GOD!' The intercom falls silent. A minute later, Capt. Sparks comes back on the intercom.' I'm so sorry for scaring you all earlier,' he says.' But while I was talking, an attendant spilled a boiling cup of coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'' That's nothing,' a passenger in coach shouted.' You should see the back of mine!'