Intercourse Jokes / Recent Jokes

A couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it. When the couple finished, the doctor re-examined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He then charged them $32.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than the lack of vigour which is to be expected in 67 year olds, get dressed, pay the doctor and then leave.
Finally after almost two months of this routine, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to more...

An elderly lady was just finishing up being examined by her gynecologist when the doctor asked her if she had intercourse. The lady thought to herself and said, "You know, I really am not sure. Let me go out to the waiting room and ask Harry, my husband."

She got her clothes back on and proceeded to the waiting room where she said, "Harry, do we have intercourse?"

Her husband then replied, "Geez, Thelma! How many times do I have to tell you? We have Blue Cross!"

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206, 000, 000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual. EXAMPLES: 1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake. 25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese and mushrooms. 53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries. 53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings. PREPARING THE BEDROOM Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned) ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3 Decanting the wine: 4 Without a corkscrew: 268 MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: 15 If you are anxious: 43 If you beg: 100 SEDUCING THE PARTNER If you are more...

A young boy of 5 was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He had been playing outside her house for a while when he came into the house.
"Grandma, what is it called when people are sleeping on top of each other? She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It is called sexual intercourse darling."
The little guy just said "Ok" and went out to play again. In a few minutes he came back inside again and said angrily to his grandmother: "Grandma, it's not called sexual intercourse! It's called bunks"

Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse lasts 4 minutes. The average number of strokes is 9 per minute, making the average intercourse 36 strokes long. Since the average length of a penis is about 6 inches, the average girl receives 216 inches of penis or 18 feet of penis per intercourse.
If the average girl does it 3 times a week, (that makes 156 times annually) 156 x 18 feet of penis makes 2808 feet, or just over a half mile of penis per year.
If a girl starts having sex at 16, and since the average life span of a woman is 75, you could say that you could be getting 2808 feet of penis x 59 years of sex makes 165,672 feet, or 55,224 yards, or a little over 31 miles of penis in your lifetime.
Anyone whose getting more than that, well, yer just a big ol slut.

A couple, aged 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "what
can I do for you?" The man said, "will you watch us have sexual
intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled but agreed; When the couple had
finished, the doctor said, "there is nothing wrong with the way you have
intercourse." And he charged them $10. This happened several weeks in a
row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the
doctor, and leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "just exactly what are you trying to
find out?" The old man said, "we're not trying to find out anything. She
is married and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to
my house. Holiday Inn charges $28; Hilton Hotel charges $37. We do it here
for $10 and I get $8 back from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office.

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, okay." and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called bunk beds! Oh, Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you!"