Intern Jokes / Recent Jokes

The intern on duty at the hospital emergency room received a phone call late one night from a distressed mother who exclaimed, "Doctor, what shall I do-my husband just discovered that our two year old has eaten a whole tube of contraceptive jelly."

"Well," the intern drawled, "if it's really an emergency, why don't you have one of those all-night drugstores deliver?"

Entry 1
Dear Diary,
I'm so excited! Just got a job as an intern at the White House... and I don't know a thing about medicine. Don't even know what my duties are yet, but I hope it's a "hands on" position. Entry 2
Dear Diary,
You won't believe this! I snuck into the Oval Office when no one was looking. But then I dropped one of my contacts. So, I got down on my hands and knees and was looking for it when-guess what-the president walked in. He said, "You must be the new intern." That man is psychic! I hope he likes me. Entry 3
Dear Diary,
I think the president likes me. Today he dropped his contacts on the rug and asked me to find them. Entry 4
Dear Diary,
He really likes me. Entry 5
Dear Diary,
I have been sent to the stupid Pentagon to work. It is such a drag. Like they're going to put me in charge of heat-seeking missiles or something. But I still talk to my Bubba-cakes on the phone. He calls me "1-900 Monica." more...

How good is YOUR insurance?

HEALTH PLAN

A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he is working in. The intern walks past a room where a man is vigorously masturbating nonstop.

The intern asks the doctor he is with why that man was doing such a thing out in the open.

The doctor says:' Oh, he has a medical condition where sperm builds up SO quickly in his body, he has to masturbate constantly or he will explode.'

'Oh, I see' says the intern.

They walk past another room where the intern sees a man laying on a stretcher getting a blow job from a nurse.

Again, he asks the doctor' What is up with THAT?' The doctor says:' Same condition,better medical plan.'

On the subject of interns examining overweight women, the symptoms of
pregnancy are often masked by obesity. The brother-in-law of a friend
told me the first part of this story; my cousin told me the second.
Both are now doctors, and both assured me that the stories are true.
In attempting to do a vaginal/cervical exam on a very overweight woman,
the intern could not make room to do his work. He finally enlisted
the aid of two orderlies who wrapped the woman's legs in sheets and
pulled them apart. Still not having enough room, the intern pushed a
chair between her legs and made his diagnosis:
"You're pregnant," he said. "But how you got that way without two
sheets and a chair is beyond me."
After making a similar comment, my cousin was informed by the
patient, "You're not the first short-dick white boy to tell me that."

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"
I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.
"Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
"A little. What's wrong?"
"Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
"How did you load the sheet?"
"It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident. So I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.
"I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote control door unlocker. Now I can't get into more...

This consultant is working on a Web development project for a client, and he's also got a nontechnical intern to keep busy. Fortunately, that's a solution, not a problem."Part of the project included setting up about 150 user accounts for the client's customers to log in to a secure portion of the site and download their reports," says the consultant."Setting up 150 user accounts seemed like a simple enough job, would keep our intern busy and took a task off my plate. I gave him a list of usernames and showed him how to set up accounts on the server."In fact, he gives the intern some further guidance. From past experience, he knows that passwords consisting of random letters and numbers make security gurus happy but drive users crazy -- either users can't remember the gibberish passwords or they constantly mistype them.He explains all this to the intern and instructs him to create passwords that consist of a word from the dictionary, followed by two or three more...

A man rushed into an emergency room of a hospital and asked an intern for a cure for hiccups. Grabbing a glass of water, the intern quickly splashed it into the man's face.

"What did you do that for?" exclaimed the man.

"You don't have the hiccups any more, do you?" said the intern.

"No, " replied the man. "My wife out in the car has them."