International Jokes / Recent Jokes

Acronyms for International AirlinesItalyALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In ArrivalALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia
BritainBOAC = Better on a camel
BelgiumSABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again
PakistanPIA = Please, Inform Allah
YugoslaviaJAT = Joke About Time
Pacific Western AirlinesPWA = Pray While AloftPWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines
Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.

It's certainly a sad sign of the times when international terrorism spoils the Christmas pudding. Security scanners this Christmas season at a major British airport have been fooled by hundreds of Christmas puddings, which they cannot tell from Semtex plastic explosive.
Travelers heading off for the holidays from Manchester airport in northern England had packed the traditional fare in their luggage. But, according to Reuters news reports, the $23 million baggage security system was unable to differentiate between the explosive of choice of the international terrorist and a plum pudding, forcing security officials to examine hundreds of bags.
Airport chiefs insisted that the sophisticated security system was not malfunctioning. "It is designed to detect organic matter, and Christmas puddings have unusual density, which alerts the system," an airport spokesman said.
The story would be amusing were it not such a sad commentary on the state of peace on Earth and more...

... and pledges not to move alone unless no one agrees with it
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult with its allies before doing whatever the hell it was going to do anyway.
"Prior to taking action against any enemy nation, such as Iraq, we will confer with our allies, as well as other countries in that region," pledged U.S. President George W. Bush. "We will sit down with them. We will begin by explaining what our position is, and then we will...
"... no, wait. That's everything."
The announcement seemingly failed to address unease among world leaders that without their consent, U.S. action against Iraq will lead them all into a wider conflict. Bush, however, said his administration was well aware of international concerns, and would handle them internally.
Except for effect, the administration said its new stance more...

International Marketing - Actual Accounts Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example... The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth." In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead." Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat more...

While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council office, one of the professional staff - who was wearing street clothes instead of her usual uniform - was talking about the International Phonetic Alphabet. She said that she had learned it some years ago and proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..." But, when she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and asked for help.

I offered a hint, "What aren't you wearing today?"

"Underwear?" she replied.

Quotes from D. C. Mayor Marion Barry
" The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" Bitch set me up."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is more...

There was an international conference and a luncheon following at the U.N.
The G.B. representative started to offer a toast:
To the women of the Eastern Hemisphere!
The Chinese representative then followed:
To the women of the Western Hemisphere!
The Italian representative thought for a moment, and then said:
To the two hemispheres of women!
At a golf club a bunch of women are having tea. Then one woman
discovers that the men's locker room at some distance below their balcony
has its door ajar. And a man is taking a shower with his head unseen.
So this woman chuckles and says: "I am glad that that is not my husband-how
embarrassing!" A second woman acknowledges: "I am glad that he is not my
boyfriend....hmmm!"
A third woman then says:
"I don't know whether he is my husband or not, but I sure know that
he is not any of the men here at this golf club."
Ray Wong, bu000756(or rkw)@cisunx.UUCP