Interviewer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."
"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but more...

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent
most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't
bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch.
If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify
ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light
years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of
100 major American corporations and asked for stories of
unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:
1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job
application."
2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and
the music at the same time."
3. "A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to
office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."
4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the
personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."
5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and more...

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch.
If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:
1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."
2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."
3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."
4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."
5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries more...

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - more...

* While shaking hands get into a heated thumb wrestling match.
* Repeat everything your interviewer says, keep going until he or she yells at you. Then ask if you got the job.
* Stick a piece of broccoli between your front teeth, smile a lot.
* Sometime during the interview, frown and sniff suspiciously, ask the boss if he or she farted.
* Pick your nose and wipe contents underneath the lip of your interviewers desk.
* Bring in whoopie cushion, set it off, roll your eyes and look at your interviewer with disgust.
* In the beginning of the interview pull out a gun and put it on the interviewer’s desk in front of you, then say, "Mind if I rest this here during the interview?"
* Demand that if hired you want desk plate that reads, "Big Kahuna."
* As you follow your interviewer to his or her office kick out their heels so that they trip and fall on their face, laugh uncontrollably.
* Show up in your jogging outfit, run in more...

This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio(NPR)interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
Interviewer: ” So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? ”
General reinwald: ‘We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting. ”
Interviewer: “Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it? ”
General reinwald: “I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range. ”
Interviewer: “Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? ”
General reinwald: “I don’t see how, …. we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm. ”
Interviewer: ” But you’re equipping them to become violent killers. more...