Interviewer Jokes / Recent Jokes

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the more...

Four guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT University and Udurawana from Sri Lanka University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job.
One common question was asked to all of them.
INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?
YALE Guy: It is Light, nothing can travel faster than Light.
HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.
MIT Guy: Its Blink, you can blink and it's hard to realize you blinked
Udurawana: Its Loose Motion
INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Udurawana's reply) "WHY"?
Udurawana: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over! !

A guy goes in to apply at the U.S. Postal Service for a job.During the interview, the interviewer asks the guy if he is a veteran. The guy says "Yes, I fought over in Vietnam." Then the interviewer asks if the guy has any disabilities.The guy responds, "Well, I stepped on a land mine over there and blew my testicles off." "Great!," responds the interviewer... we give disabled Vet preference. "You can start tomorrow morning at 10 a.m.""But doesn't everyone normally start at 8 a.m.?", asks the guy."Yes, but you don't have to come in until 10...All we do is just stand around and scratch our balls for the first two hours anyway!"

An Englishman and Irishman apply for a job at MacDonalds, and the interviewer asks them to sit at a table and take a test.
After the test the interviewer announces that they both scored the same, but that he's giving the job to the Englishman.
When the Irishman complains, the interviewer explains that "the Englishman's answer to question 3 was' I don't know,' and your answer was' Neither do I'."

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg? Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war. Interviewer: How did you get that hook? Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife. Interviewer: What about your eyepatch? Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye. Interviewer: And that put your eye out? Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled.
"Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry... We can't hire you."
"But wait," he says. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
The applicant reaches into his pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms. Finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but more...

INTERVIEWER to job applicant: "Do you think you could come up with any reason you want this job other than your parents want you out of their house?"