Islamic Jokes / Recent Jokes

In recent days, much has been written about the change in our national mood, and how the tragic attacks will affect the entertainment industry.
After consulting with industry leaders, we have taken the initiative and drafted the following guidelines for comedy and for action movies. These rules are effective as of October 1.
COMEDY RULES
Until further notice, all violent humor is to be replaced by sexist humor.
Similarly, all ethnic humor is to be replaced by obesity humor.
Jokes about death are to be replaced by jokes about long-term illness.
Jokes about long-term illness are to be replaced by jokes about minor injury.
Any stand-up comic who does a routine about airplanes is to be accompanied onstage by a federal marshal. (We should have done this years ago.)
No comedy is to be directed at countries with valuable airspace.
From now on, irony can only be deployed when referring to the following:
black flies in Chardonnays
free rides when more...

There was a devote Islamic man who did his prayers five times a day.
Now, the first prayer was rather early in the morning, but he was always awake in time because the prayers were important. One morning, however, he was about to sleep though his prayers, when there was suddently a noice in the closet.
Realizing he was late, he quickly got up and said his prayers. After he was done, he went to look in his closet, and there was Iblis (the Devil).
The man said "Iblis, were you the one that woke me up?"
Iblis said "Yes".
The man replied "Well, why didn't you let me sleep through my prayers?".
And Iblis replied "Well, I thoguht about it, but then I realized how bad you'd feel, and how you'd try and make it up to God, so I decided I'd better wake you up."

KABUL (Voice of Sharia) -- Citing worldwide reaction to last week`s terrorist attacks, multi-national terror network Al Qaeda announced Thursday that it would lay off 5, 000 or more holy warriors. The "holy war" concern said the move was necessary because of an expected 20 percent fatwah reduction and cost and complexity of thwarting new airport and immigration security procedures, according to a statement broadcast on Afghanistan`s Voice of Sharia radio.
"This is, without a doubt, the most difficult thing I have had to do in my over two decades as a mujahad," said Al Qaeda mastermind and chief operations officer Osama bin Laden in a letter to employees. He added, "Some of these people are my friends, who have been fighting the infidel by my side since we were living in caves in Afghanistan during the Soviet occupation. We are still living in caves in Afghanistan, but I believe the bottom is forming and we will see a turnaround soon, provided we can meet more...

It's hard to find quality field-goal kickers for the Islamic Football League, because league rules allow for kickers who miss from inside 30 yards to have their feet amputated.

I realize Kazakhstan is still just reawakening to its Islamic heritage after a long Communist slumber, but someone is really, really missing the Islamic point here during Fashion Week in Kazakhstan. See if you can figure out the discrepancy:





For Russified Muslim chicks who can't decide whether they want to be pious or prostitutes, there's Kazakhstan.