Israel Jokes / Recent Jokes
At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.
"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out."
"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"
"Right."
"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Er-right."
"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again you're right."
"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"
"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?
Moses is sitting in the Egyptian ghetto, things are going terrible: the
Pharoah won't even talk to him, the rest of the Hebrews are mad at him
for making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He's about
ready to give up.
Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice speaks from above: "You, Moses, heed
Me. I have good news, and bad news."
Moses is staggered. The voice continues:
"You, Moses, will lead the
people of Israel from bondage. If the pharoah refueses to release your
bonds I will smote egypt with a rain of frogs.
"You, Moses, will lead
the people of Israel to the promised land. If the pharoah blocks your
way I will smote egypt with a plague of locusts.
"You, Moses, will lead
the people to freedom and safety. If the pharoah's army pursues you, I
will part the waters of the red sea to open your path to the promised
land."
Moses is stunned. He stammers, "That's, that's more...
The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.
â??Your Holiness,â?? said one of the Cardinals, â??Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths.â??
The Pope thought it was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand, â??Have we not,â?? he asked, â??a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel?â??
â??None that plays golf very well,â?? a cardinal said. â??But,â?? he added, â??there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal, then ask him to play Benjamin Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, weâ??ll also win the match.â??
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, more...
The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
Hamas leader Khaled Meshaal finally admitted that the country of Israel does exist. He said he's also considering admitting that gravity and the sun also exist.
From his home in Syria he stated that the problem is not that Israel exists but that there is no Palestianian state.
Mr. Meshaal-- look south. See Jordan?
At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period."Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out.""What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt."Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?""Right.""An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?""Er--right.""An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?""Again you're right.""An' the Children of Israel fought the' gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?""All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?
A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."