Israel Jokes / Recent Jokes
Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, "What are those bags for?" "I'm collecting for Israel", said Mr. Goldfarb." You need two bags?", asked Mr. Klein." I've got a system, said Mr. Goldfarb. It's fantastic. I go into the men's room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say,' Give for Israel or get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag." What do you have in the other bag?", inquired Mr. Klein." Oh, well, not everybody gives."
Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, "What are those bags for?""I'm collecting for Israel", said Mr. Goldfarb."You need two bags?", asked Mr. Klein."I've got a system, said Mr. Goldfarb. It's fantastic. I go into the men's room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say, 'Give for Israel or get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag."What do you have in the other bag?", inquired Mr. Klein."Oh, well, not everybody gives."
Gaza - As thousands of Hamas and Fatah supporters squared off in the streets Friday, they were being discreetly encouraged to "go at it" by Israel, which was acting casual on the other side of an electrified fence.
Shouts of "Fight! Fight! Fight!," "Kick his ass!," and "Hit hiiiiim!" only served to worsen an already tense situation. Israel quickly turned its back after each provocation, pretending to talk with some friends.
Violence finally erupted after a cry of "Oh snap, you gonna take that shit??" spurred people from both sides to start swinging.
Jhonny is 18 and in the 8th grade. Homework is hard for him.
One day, Jhonny got an easy homework assignment that required
him to put each of the following vocabulary words in a
sentence. Here's what he wrote, Ebonic style.
1. HOTEL - I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the' hotel' everybody.
2. RECTUM - I had two Caddilacs, but my ol'lady' rectum' both.
3. DISAPPOINTMENT - My parole officer tol'me if I mess' disappontment'
they gonna send me back to the big house.
4. FORECLOSE - If I pay ailmoney this month, I'll have no money
' foreclose'
5. CATACOMB - Don King was at the fight the other night, Man, somebody
give that' cata omb.'
6. ISRAEL - Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said Man, that looks
fake. He said No' israel.'
7. UNDERMINE - There's fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment
' undermine.'
8. TRIPOLI - I was gonna my ol'lady a bra, but I couldn't find' tripoli.'
9. STAIN - My mother-in-law more...
Israel ‘s deputy prime minister on Saturday said Israel should assassinate Hamas‘ leadership, ignore the moderate Palestinian president and walk away from international peace efforts. Hamas leaders asked for a timeout until Israel and Palestine can get into some kind of counseling.
They also requested Israel try to use'I' sentences instead of'you' sentences, such as "I don't feel respected by those actions." rather than "You are a bunch of sucide bombing assholes!"
It is not generally known that when Moses first came down from the Mount the tabernacles contained fourteen commandments. When he read them out to the Children of Israel there was great commotion.
One of the spokesmen said to Moses " This is very hard on us Moses, please go back and try to reason with the Lord . Explain that we are human and to keep all these commandments will place great hardship on us". So, very reluctantly Moses went back up to the Mount with the tabernacles and after a week, gaunt and haggard came stumbling back to the Tents of Israel. The people gathered around expectantly and the spokesman asked" Nu, Moses, how did it go up there?"
Moses could hardly speak, he was hoarse from his week long pleadings for his people. Finally he said "Well, I have good news and bad news, The good news is that I managed to get it down to only ten commandments, but the bad news is that adultery is still in!".
Did you hear that Kraft is building a new plant in Israel?
Yeah, it's going to be called "Cheeses of Nazareth".