Issues Jokes

Reporter: Governor Clinton, what damage do you think has been done to your campaign by your wife`s comment the other day about how "Hitler was really a great guy"?

Clinton: (Mixture of sadness and anger, but articulate as always.) Hillary and myself are shocked, outraged, and deeply saddened by this terrible misunderstanding. The media hype is way out of proportion. You guys should know us by now--we would never say anything like that. And though she did say a few things about Germany she certainly didn`t mean anything offensive by her remarks, which I might add have been willfully and shamefully taken out of context and distorted. There is nothing in my life, or Hillary`s life, which can be construed as derogatory toward the German people. We honor them. Some of our best friends are Germans. My own grandmother was one-quarter German. And it certainly isn`t true that Germans are excluded from our country club. In my eleven years as Governor of Arkansas I was more...

Rule OneIf you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule TwoYou do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule ThreeI am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your more...

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you"d better be delivering a package, because you"re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter"s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don"t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, infact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten more...

Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?" Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems." Banta asked, "Can you explain?" Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other`s decisions." Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it" Banta asked, "Then what is your role?" Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African more...

I have a lot of issues with sex... mostly Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler.