Jail Jokes / Recent Jokes

A- Alcohol: The key to surviving High school

B- Beer: It's what's for dinner...and breakfast and lunch

C- Class: What you're supposed to get up and go to after last night's party

D- Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic

E- Emergency: The keg is empty or there is no one over 21 in your drinking party

F- Fucked Up: Signified by leaning over a toilet puking your guts out

G- Games: Anything that involves cards, stripping and chugging beers

H- Hang-over: Reminds you of how great last night was and how much you drank

I- Idiot: What you look like after doing a lap dance on fat kid (after just three beers)

J- Jail: Where you'll end up after trying to use a fake ID or stagger home at 5 am

K- Kissing: What you'll do to anything that moves after 15 beers

L- Lord: Person you beg to get you out of every situation involving more...

Q: Why did the baseball player go to jail? A: Because he was caught trying to steal 2nd base!

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" asked the judge.
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs, and the small circle is your brain after drugs," said the first.
"That's admirable," said the judge.
"And you, how did you do?" he asked the secong boy.
"Well, your more...

In celebrity news, Paris Hilton was sentenced to jail yesterday, but she won't begin serving her sentence until June 5th. Apparently, the judge wants all the inmates to have enough time to double-up on their Hepatitis B shot.

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.
What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night? she asked.
Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating, and you were only sixteen? he asked. Yes, I do, she replied.
Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love? Oh yes, I remember.
Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter, or spend twenty years in jail?
Yes, I do, she said.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, You know. .. I would have gotten out today.

A bunch of men in a jail house go to see a conciler together.When they got in the room they were to stand up, tell their name, and repeat what they were in for.
The first man stood up.He said," My name is Albert and Im in for killing 22 people."The second stood up and followed suit.This went around the room until they reached the last man.
Slowly he stood up and whispered,"My name is M-M-M-Marvin."The conciler asked him what he was in for."Raping dogs,"he said bashfully.
"How low can you get?!" someone shouted.
"Chiwalas,"replied Marvin.