James Jokes / Recent Jokes
1991 -- A Montana State University chemistry professor claimed in March that he was wrongfully accused of being drunk after an accident (which occurred while he was on work-release for a previous (drunk driving sentence). While a state trooper found him "highly intoxicated," the professor said a chemical explosion in his lab caused him to smell and act drunk and that his statement to the trooper about having consumed a six-pack of beer was merely incoherent babbling" because of the trauma of the accident.
1992 -- Steven L. Johnson, 40, sentenced to two years in prison in Brookings, S. D., in April for drunk driving, explained to the judge: "I enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the most pleasurable habits I've had."
1993 -- Only days apart, two Wisconsin men arrived in court drunk for their trials on drunken-driving charges. Both denied they had been drunk while driving, and both denied they were drunk in the courtroom. James more...
To: Jesus Ben Joseph
Regarding: 12 Candidates for management positions.
Dear sir,
Thank you for submitting the resumes of the twelve men you have picked for positions in your new organization. All of them have now taken our battery of tests; and we have not only run the results through our computer, but also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologist and vocational aptitude consultant.
It is the staff opinion that most of your nominees are lacking in background, education and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking. They do not have the team concept. We would recommend that you continue your search for persons of experience in managerial ability and proven capability.
Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper. Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership. The two brothers, James and John, place personal interest above company loyalty. Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would more...
Teacher: James, where is your homework? James: I ate it. Teacher: Why? James: You said it was a piece of cake!
it was joe, kyle, and james. and it was a friday night, and they were driving home drunk. a cop pulled them over and saw they were drunk so he took them in. about a hour later he came in there cell and said since its a friday night ill let you three go if your dicks can equal up to 21 inches. so joe pulls his out and its 10 inches. kyle pulles hes out and its 10 inches. james pulls his out and its 1 inch. so the cop lets them go. when james got out side he said to kyle and joe, "you guys were lucky i had a boner".lol
Bill, James and David were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. Bill won the first prize - a whole year`s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. James was the winner of the second prize - six month`s supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And David won the sixth prize - a toilet brush. When they met in the pub a week later, David asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. "Great," said Bill. "I love spaghetti." "So do I," said James. "And how`s the toilet brush, David?" "Not so good," David said, "I reckon I`ll go back to paper."
James and Nick die in a hunting accident. Nick goes to heaven and James goes to hell. One day Nick looks down at James in hell. James has a beer in his hand and a blonde on his lap.
Nick gets pissed off so he goes to God and says, "What is this s#it? I think I want to go to hell! Just look at my friend down there."
God says "Look closer. The beer has a hole in the bottom, and the blonde doesn't."