Jeff Jokes / Recent Jokes

The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't." Well, I hope you don't drive sober either, Mr. Healey. You're blind, for God's sake!

Two friends are out on a hunting trip. While Jeff has never been hunting before, Jim has hunted all his life. Jim instructs Jeff to sit by a tree and not make a sound while he goes to check out a deer stand.
He gets a fair distance from Jeff when he suddenly hears a blood-curdling scream. He races back to Jeff and shouts, "Didn't I tell you to keep quiet?"
"Hey, I tried," says a shaken Jeff. "I honestly did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't utter a sound. While that bear was breathing down my neck, I never made a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up the legs of my pants and said, 'Shall we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any longer!"

Teacher: Jeff, have you been copying Johnny's test again?
Jeff: But how did you know?
Teacher: On question #1, Johnny put down "I don't know". And you put down "Me neither".

Teacher: Jeff, have you been copying Johnny's test again? Jeff: Yes, but how did you know? Teacher: On question #1, Johnny put down "I don't know". And you put down "Me neither".

Dear Mom,

Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only two of our tents and four sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Jeff when it happened. Oh yes, please call Jeff's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat.

We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Hector for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Hector said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. Larry is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car more...

Steve, Bob and Jeff are all working on some very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realise they'll have to inform his wife. Bob says he's good with this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do it. After two hours, he returns carrying a six-pack of beer. "So, did you tell her?" Asks Jeff. "Yep." Replies Bob. "Hey, where did you get the six-pack?" "She gave it to me." "What?!" Exclaims Jeff. "You just told her that her husband died, and she gave you a six-pack?!" "Sure. When she answered the door, I asked her whether she was Steve's widow.' Widow?' She said.' No, no..I'm not a widow. You must be mistaken.' So I said,' I'll bet you a six-pack you are!'"

Q: Whats the difference between Jeff Gordan and a porcupine?
A: With Jeff Gordan the prick is inside the car.