Jersey Jokes / Recent Jokes

You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only. On a highway you can not park under a bridge. If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates. There is no horse racing allowed on the New Jersey Turnpike.It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season. Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street. It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon. Bernards Township: It is illegal to frown as the town is a "Frown-Free Town Zone". Caldwell: You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue. Cranford: Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn. Cresskill: All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts. Elizabeth: It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat. Manville: It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo. Newark: more...

A wayward deer that jumped into the Hudson River and swam to Governors Island in New York Harbor from New Jersey has been rescued and safely brought to a wildlife preserve park in Staten Island. Isn't that great news! The deer got out of New Jersey!

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie.

Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the more...

Dumb New Jersey Laws
# You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only. [Reader Comments on this Law.]
# On a highway you can not park under a bridge.
# It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
# It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.
# If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
# Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
# You may not slurp your soup.
# Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
# It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
Bernards Township
# It is illegal to frown as the town is a "Frown-Free Town Zone".
Caldwell
# You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.
Cranford
# Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.
Cresskill
# All cats must wear more...

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day. No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms. Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude.(Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds! The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide more...

But health officials are debating whether nausea, headaches, and diarrhea aren't just symptoms of living in New Jersey.

This week Sarah Palin made her seven year old daughter wear a Philadelphia Flyers jersey and accompany her while dropping the ceremonial first puck at a Flyers game to prevent the crowd from booing her.

John McCain is also catching on to this strategy and for the rest of the campaign will always appear with his granddaughter because he believes no one would boo an 85 year old lady.