Jimmy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm
gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll
know what to do with.
- Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can
do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane,
son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
- Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
or your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my more...
Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton are on the titanic. When it starts to sink Carter yells, "Quick, save the women and children!" Nixon: "Screw the women and children" Clinton: "Do we have time?"
jimmy cracked corn and i dont care, jimmy cracked corn and i dont care, but when jimmy starts cracking balls then you will care!
Jimmy:' Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.'Mike:' To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.'Jimmy:' What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?'Mike:' Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.'Jimmy:' Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.'Mike:' That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me
crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?'
The Teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas.
She called on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?" she asked.
Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."
"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?" Ms. Jones asked.
"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents, " Jimmy replied.
"That's also very nice Jimmy," she said. more...
Jimmy was a very poor boy and he wanted a toy he could call his own. So he sent off a letter to God, imploring the almighty to use divine intervention on his behalf and send him $20 so he could buy the toy.
A well meaning postal clerk forwarded the letter to city hall where it eventually landed on the Mayor's desk. The mayor pulled out a Five dollar bill, wrote a note, and sent it off to the boy.
When the envelope arrived, Jimmy's face got red with rage and he wrote back to God, "Thanks for the twenty dollars, but next time don't send it through City Hall. Those fuckers kept seventy-five percent in taxes."