Jimmy Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day Jimmy wore a t-shirt that said, "My Sister for Sale!" The next day the shirt had "for Sale" crossed off and "SOLD" where it had been. His classmate asks him, "Your sister got sold?!? I was going to give you 50 dollars!"
Jimmy said, "I sold her to Berkeley University for ten times that much money you offered me!"

This teacher tells his 8th grade class that he will ask the students a question everyday and if you get it right you get the week off of school. so the first question is "how many grains of sand are on the beach?"no one knew, so next week the question is"how many stars are in the sky at night?"again no one knew it.so the next week little Jimmy brings in 2 ping balls spray painted black and rolls them down the row of desks. the teacher gets up and says"alright, who got the black balls?"Jimmy stands up and says "Bill Cosby! and ill see you next week!"

One day Jimmy went down to the pond for a dip, but before he could dive in he spied his teacher, Mrs. Smith, emerging from a session of nude bathing. When Mrs. Smith saw Jimmy, she grabbed the nearest object - which happened to be an old wooden box - and held it in front of her.

"Young man, I know what you're thinking," she said.

"And I know what you're thinking," replied Jimmy. "You're thinking that box has a bottom on it!"

Two men from West Virginia went hunting. They were named Billy and Jimmy. Billy said to Jimmy, "Shoot at any deer that moves."
They both went to different tree stands. Well, Billy forgot his smokes and went to ask Jimmy for a cigarette. When Billy started going over to Jimmy, Jimmy shot him.
Jimmy took him to the hospital and the doctor comes out. Jimmy asks, "Will he be O.K. Doc?"
The doctor said, "Sure, if you hadn't field dressed him in the woods."

One day when Jimmy was at school, the teacher told him that for his homework he had to write out the first three letters of the alphabet.
When he went home he was struggling so decided to ask his mum. His mum was in the kitchen cutting the salad when he asked her "Mum, what is the first letter of the alphabet?"
Just as he had finished asking this question his mum sliced her finger open and shouted "SHIT!!!"
Jimmy wrote this down and went outside to see his older brother.
He asked him "big brother, whet is the second letter of the alphabet?"
His brother was crouched on the floor talking to a drugged up teenager and jimmy heard him say "only if you give me some heroin!"
Jimmy wrote this down and went into the living room and saw his little sister watching superman.
"Sister, what is the third letter of the alphabet?"
His sisters eyes were fixed on the the TV and she ignored Jimmy. "Superman!!!" more...

Jim had been out on the town with a dazzling blonde, and he was returning home as the rosy tints of dawn began to color the skies. Marshaling all his inner resources, he managed an air of sobriety and dignity before the suspicious eye and wagging tongue of his wife. Suddenly, as he was undressing, she punctuated her harangue with a sharp, gasping intake of air. "Jimmy," she asked through titely clenched teeth, "Just where are your underwear ?" Bleakly, Jimmy perceived through the fog in his mind, that his boxer shorts were indeed missing. Just then, inspiration stuck. "My God !" he cried with aggrieved dismay. "I've been robbed !"

One day Little Jimmy has a dentist appointment. The appointment is during 7:20 to 8:20, which is the first hour of Little Jimmy's school. The appointment went fine, but Little Jimmy's mom had to get up from bed early to take Little Jimmy to his appointment, so she is a little tired. Little Jimmy's mother gives him a note, and she instructs him to give the note to his teacher. Little Jimmy doesn't look at the note, then when he gets into his classroom, he hands the note to his teacher, just as his mother had instructed. His teacher took the note, took a glance at it, then fainted. Little Jimmy and his classmates ran over to her to look at the note to see what all the commotion was. The note read,
"Little Jimmy had a dentist appointment today. I'm sorry for his absence. Please let him be executed at school today. Signed, Tara Fox."