Jimmy Jokes / Recent Jokes

James and Beverly Jenkins had been married for twelve years when they mutually agreed to end it and get divorced. After the divorce was granted, that same day, as they stood facing each other for what could be the last time, James asked Beverly if she would mind him asking one last question. "Not at all, go right ahead," she replied." Well, their is one thing that has always bother me. We have five kids with brown hair but youngest one, little Jimmy, has blonde hair. So, please tell me, whose kid is Jimmy?" "I just can't tell you, James. The answer would hurt you too much." "I'll be fine. Now that we're divorced, finding out whoever Jimmy came from can't hurt me too much." "Well, if it's that important to you... Jimmy is your child."

After 40 years of marriage, Jimmy decides to leave Katherine. She starts crying and then asks, "How can you do this, Jimmy? How can you just walk out? The first year we were together, you caught pneumonia and almost died! Who sat by your bed and nursed you back to health? Me! And when you lost half your family in the terrible car crash, who kept you going and kept your spirits up? Me! And when our kids grew up and ran away from home, who sat with you can comforted you? Me! And when you lost everything last year in the fire at the store, who stayed at your side the whole time? Me! How could you leave me, Jimmy? You've been through everything with me." Jimmy replies, "That's just the problem, Katherine! You're just fucking bad luck!"

Jimmy's mom dragged him in front of his dad during the football game."Talk to your son," she said. "He refuses to obey a word I say."The father turned to Jimmy angrily. "Jimmy, how dare you disobey your mother. Do you think you're better than your old man?"

Little Jimmy is at school and the teacher says "your homework is to work out the difference between potential and reality".Jimmy goes home and has no idea, so he asks his dad.His dad thinks about it and tells Jimmy to ask his mum if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid.He asks his mum and she says"don't tell your dad, but yes i would for a million quid." Jimmy goes and tells his dad all this and his dad says "Go and ask your little sister if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid" he asks his sister and she says "don't tell your dad but yes, i would for a million quid" Jimmy goes and tells his dad this and his dad says "There you go Jimmy, thats the difference between potential and reality.Potentially we're sitting on two million quid, in reality we're living with a couple of slags".

Young Jimmy was having a snack after school with his Gran. Would you like another cookie? she asked. Yes, please, replied Jimmy. What good manners you have, said his Gran. I do like to hear young people say please and thank you. Ill say them both if I can have a big piece of that cake, replied Jimmy!

Mac and Jimmy are playing a challenging new course and as usual Mac is having a tough time off the tee. On the 6th hole he hits a huge banana ball. "Did you see where that drive went... is it in the rough?" he asks. "Sort of " says Jimmy. "How far in?" asks Mac. " I'm not sure, but I hope our golf cart has 4-wheel drive"

Little Jimmy's father always used to tell him bedtime stories. Being the quick-witted fellow that he was, he always embelished on them adding little jokes here and there.
One day in Little Jimmy's kindergarten class, his teacher was telling them the strory of the three little pigs. Jimmy knew this story because his father always told him this before he went to bed. They were at the part when the first pig needed to build his house.
"Then," the teacher said, "the first little pig needed straw to build his house. Along the road he saw a farmer carrying a bail of straw. So the little pig walked up to the farmer and asked him if he could borrow his straw to build a house. Then class, do you know what the farmer said?"
Little Jimmy immedeatly raised his hand, knowing the answer.
"Yes Jimmy," replied the teacher.
"WOW! A TALKING PIG!!!"