Jimmy Jokes / Recent Jokes
A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Jimmy Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!"
She yells, "Whose Jimmy Poole?"
This kid in the back stands up and says, "I'm Jimmy Poole."
"Well, Jimmy, your staying after school!"
The very next day when the substitute teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard and written on it, it says, "PAYS to ADVERTISE."
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.
Mac and Jimmy decided to get together one morning and play a round of golf. Mac brought along his little black puppy. When Mac sank a twelve foot putt on the first hole, the puppy stood on his hind legs and began to dance, jump and bark. Jimmy said; "That's great, what does he do when you miss the putt?" Mac said "He does somersaults." When Jimmy asked how many somersaults, Mac replied; "That depends on how hard I kick him."
Jimmy, a trainee paratrooper was about to perform his first jump. Being dead scared, he allowed all his other friends to jump first. As his turn came, however, he chickened out despite repeated verbal abuses from his training sergeant.
His sergeant couldn't take it anymore and shouted, "If you don't jump now, I'll shove my dick up your ass!"
Relating the story to his father, Jimmy's dad asked, "So son, did you jump after all?"
"Yeah," Jimmy replied, "a little at first..."
THE teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation. Mary went first. "My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie." Next came Tommy. "My dad is a banker, b-a-n-k-e-r, and if he were here, he'd give each of us a quarter." Third came Jimmy. "My dad is an electrician.'' But after struggling through a number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else. She then turned to Johnny. "My dad's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e," Johnny said. "And if he were here, he'd lay you 8 to 5 that Jimmy ain't never gonnaspell electrician."
The Teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas.
She called on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?" she asked.
Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."
"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?" Ms. Jones asked.
"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents, " Jimmy replied.
"That's also very nice more...
Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.
"God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds.
"Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?"
Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate.
"A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."
"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?"
"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."
"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous. .. can I have one of your pennies?"
God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."