Jimmy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why do the Gorillas like Jimmy Carter? They don't really know - but they're NUTS about him!

Teacher: "Can someone tell me three kinds of triangles? Yes, Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "OK, so there's right, isosceles, and you, your husband, and the mailman."
The class laughed.
"OK, young man. Now you're going straight to the principal." said the teacher.
And the principal laughed too.

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Pastor Mike was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures.
Immediately, Pastor Mike turned towards the church to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Jimmy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
Pastor Mike walked up to Jimmy and said, "Well, Jimmy, where did you get the little infant?"Jimmy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
With a sheepish smile, Jimmy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it."

Little Jimmy was laying about on a hill in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.
"God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud.
To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy. What can I do for you?"
Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?"
Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."
"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?"
"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."
"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous... can I have one of your pennies?"
God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."

Jimmy's mom dragged him in front of his dad during the football game.
"Talk to your son," she said. "He refuses to obey a word I say."
The father turned to Jimmy angrily. "Jimmy, how dare you disobey your mother. Do you think you're better than your old man?"

Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more, mom. Its empty.

James and Beverly Jenkins had been married for twelve years when they mutually agreed to end it and get divorced. After the divorce was granted, that same day, as they stood facing each other for what could be the last time, James asked Beverly if she would mind him asking one last question. "Not at all, go right ahead," she replied.
"Well, their is one thing that has always bother me. We have five kids with brown hair but youngest one, little Jimmy, has blonde hair. So, please tell me, whose kid is Jimmy?"
"I just can't tell you, James. The answer would hurt you too much."
"I'll be fine. Now that we're divorced, finding out whoever Jimmy came from can't hurt me too much."
"Well, if it's that important to you...Jimmy is your child."