Job Jokes / Recent Jokes
Subject: Job Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT,' And what starting salary were you looking for?'
The candidate said,' In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.'
The HR Person said,' Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a new company car leased every 2 years - starting with say, a red Corvette?'
The guy sat up straight and said,' Wow!!! Are you kidding?'
And the HR Person said,' Certainly...but you started it.'
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo-keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cag e next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls more...
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
4: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5. 99 for the first ten words and $1. 99 for each additional word in your message.
6: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over more...
This exchange took place many years ago between the then Finance Minister of India John Mathai, and Acharya Kriplani.
The Acharya was renowned for his acid tongue. He was going for the civil service and injected a particularly waspish anecdote about a young man who having knocked at many doors to find a job, returned crestfallen to his father. The father reassured him:' I know you are a no-good son of a gun. No one in his senses will employ you. But don't lose hope, you can always get a government job; they are meant for worthless people like you.'
John Mathai was quick to reply:' Having heard the Acharya's observation with great respect, I am coming to the conclusion that Acharyaji is fast becoming ripe for a, wernment job.'
Why did the blonde get fired from her job at the M&M factory?
She threw away all the "W&W's"
Rick, fresh out of engineering school, went to a interview for a good paying job.
The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"
"22," Rick replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he KNEW he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job!
Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he was very curious.
So, the next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.
The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
"Can you help me? asked Alice."No," said Negative. "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked. "No," said Negative. She pointed the other way. "Yes," said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference." Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down. Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her more...