Job Jokes / Recent Jokes
Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"
"Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn`t get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious.
The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
Prison life versus a full-time job
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.
In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.
In prison they allow your family and friends to more...
1. I'm really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good. 2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down. 3. I'll kill myself if I don't get a job. 4. I know where you live. 5. Any sentence beginning with "I was recently acquitted." 6. I'm really tall, so I think I'd be well suited to this job. 7. Happy faces. 8. By the way, I understand that you have unmarried daughters. 9. I'm confident that I'll get this job. The voices told me.
Santa Singh Applied For An Engineering Position At Deman Construction Office In Amritsar. Reddy From Chennai Applied For The Same Job And Both
Applicants Having The Same Qualifications Were Asked To Take A Test By The Department Manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon Completion Of The Test, The Results Showed That Both Men Only Missed One Of The Questions. The Manager Went To Santa And Said, "Thank You For Your Interest, But We've Decided To Give The Job To Reddy". Santa: And Why Would You Be Doing That? We Both Got 9 Questions Correct. This Being Punjab I Should Get The Job!" Manager: "We Have Made Our Decision Not On The Correct Answers, But On The One Question That You Got Wrong. "Santa: "And Just How Would One Incorrect Answer Be Better Than The Other?" Manager: "Simple, For The Question That Both Of You Got Wrong, Reddy Put Down' I Don't Know' As The Answer. And You Wrote' Neither Do I'!"
A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly.
Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row.
Just before he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas, which he devours.
They strap him into the chair, flip the switch, and he just sits there, smiling. According to tradition, this is considered a reprieve from God and he is freed.
Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily dispensing tickets when he sees a girl stick her gum on the back of a seat on the bus. Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser, breaking the offender's neck and killing her.
Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12 pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity more...
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years-say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it"
Titanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!
Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators.
How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
Santa: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It’s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.
Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv more...