Jobs Jokes / Recent Jokes
To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and, 2. Going to meetings.Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single bonehead decision, unless you more...
Ok this guy named Rhys david betts walks into a tatoo shop and asked the man if he could put a tatoo of a 100 doller bill on his penis. So the man said that it was no problem.Later the man asked Rhys why he wants a 100 bill on this penis. So Rhys then said "My wife hasnt bin giving me blow jobs lately, and she said she could blow a 100 doller bill in no time!!
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and ugly, they don't have jobs and hate children." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short, but handsome, haev decent jobs, and hate children." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and handsome, have well paying more...
How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...
TOP TEN REASONS MICROSOFT INVESTED $150 MILLION IN APPLE
10. Bill Gates found spare change in his trousers
9. First and last month's rent on empty office space in Cupertino
8. Fee: Steve Jobs to give charisma lessons to Microsoft CEO
7. Two words: Rhapsody 98
6. Small price to pay for world domination
5. Bill to Larry: I own you now, too
4. Jobs and Woz threw in a signed Apple I as part of the deal
3. Best way to assure Gates a starring role in next Pixar
animated feature
2. Easier than bribing entire Justice Department
1. Strategic move: Apple users now hate Jobs more than Gates
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the
store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch.. .. You may choose any man from a
particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back
down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband..
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, more...
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?A: They don't know the route.