Joe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Al Gore was entertaining Joe Leiberman and decided to show off his new home. Upon entering the bedroom, Joe noticed a very large wooden box with 5 empty beer cans and about $1500. 00 in cash.
Out of curiosity, Joe asked "AL, I see you're a beer drinker, I am too! you see, we DO have something in common"
With a condescending voice, Al quipped, " yes, of course we do Joe"
Joe then asked " Al, why the 5 empty cans and all that cash"
Al gladly told Joe about his new program. " Joe, since last month, I have decided to turn a new leaf and become a more accountable person, while at the same time rewarding myself for my efforts. Whenever I tell a lie, I drink a beer and put the can in this box"
"That's really impressive", Joe replied, "only 5 beer cans in a whole month, but tell me, where did all that cash come from"?
Without missing a beat, Al responded, "Whenever the box gets full of beer cans, I more...

During a neighborhood party, Joe got into an argument with his neighbor, about presidential politics. Finally, the neighbor asked me why Joe was such a dedicated Republican.
Joe told him that his father and grandfather were both Republicans and he was carrying on the family tradition.
"That's it?" said the exasperated neighbor. "What if your father and
grandfather had been horse thieves?"
"Well..." Joe replied, "I suppose then I'd be a Democrat like you."

This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"

Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter?"

The Man says, "Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he's gay."

Joe says, "Man that's terrible," and gives the man his whiskey and beer.

Two weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar... He walks in and says, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"

Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter this time?"

The man says, "Well my other boy just come home from college and I found out that HE'S gay."

Joe says, "Man, that's a damn shame," and fixes him up with the beer and whiskey.

Three weeks go by and the man comes bursting through the doors and says, "Joe, I want you to fix me up with more...

My Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. I asked him what happened.
"You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work."
"What's that got to do with it?" I asked.
"Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman."

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays...
"God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck. Once again, he prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is more...

At one local church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings. One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation.

Joe said that he did not take any of the offering.

The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the offering. So the priest said "get in the confessional" which Joe did.

Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering and this time he said "I can't hear you".

Again the priest asked "Joe did you take any of the offering?"

Again Joe answered "I can't hear you".

This time the priest yelled "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING"

Again Joe answered "I can't hear you".

By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the more...

Zikes! What a year! Joseph forgot to make reservations at the
Bethlehem Inn (his carpentry projects aren't the only thing made
out of wood!). So they stick us in this stable full of stale hay
and stinking animals and guess what??? I go right into labor.

My OB doc said "Make the trip." Anyway, we have a new baby boy
that we think is truly special. But it's been a madhouse ever since!

First, we couldn't agree on a name. Joe likes Emmanuel - I'm
holding out for Jesus. In the middle of the argument all the
animals in the stable start talking and taking sides! Next, all
these shepherds stopped by to gawk (as if the smell wasn't bad
enough). And, since this is Joseph's hometown, the whole mishpuka
seemed to drop in. You wouldn't believe his weird "cousin" John!
All the time he babbles about' logos' and' kerygma' and a whole
bunch of stuff that's just plain Greek to me.

Then there's a more...